Joseph Conrad |
Heart of Darkness |
Conrad, Joseph, 1857-1924. Heart of Darkness
part one
The Nellie, a cruising yawl, swung to her anchor
without a flutter of the sails, and was at rest. The flood had
made, the wind was nearly calm, and being bound down the river,
the only thing for it was to come to and wait for the turn of the
tide.
The sea-reach of the Thames stretched before us like the
beginning of an interminable waterway. In the offing the sea and
the sky were welded together without a joint, and in the luminous
space the tanned sails of the barges drifting up with the tide
seemed to stand still in red clusters of canvas sharply peaked,
with gleams of varnished sprits. A haze rested on the low shores
that ran out to sea in vanishing flatness. The air was dark above
Gravesend, and farther back still seemed condensed into a
mournful gloom, brooding motionless over the biggest, and the
greatest, town on earth.
The Director of Companies was our captain and our host. We four
affectionately watched his back as he stood in the bows looking
to seaward. On the whole river there was nothing that looked half
so nautical. He resembled a pilot, which to a seaman is
trustworthiness personified. It was difficult to realize his work
was not out there in the luminous estuary, but behind him, within
the brooding gloom.
Between us there was, as I have already said somewhere, the bond
of the sea. Besides holding our hearts together through long
periods of separation, it had the effect of making us tolerant of
each other's yarns--and even convictions. The Lawyer--the best of
old fellows--had, because of his many years and many virtues, the
only cushion on deck, and was lying on the only rug. The
Accountant had brought out already a box of dominoes, and was
toying architecturally with the bones. Marlow sat cross-legged
right aft, leaning against the mizzen-mast. He had sunken cheeks,
a yellow complexion, a straight back, an ascetic aspect, and,
with his arms dropped, the palms of hands outwards, resembled an
idol. The director, satisfied the anchor had good hold, made his
way aft and sat down amongst us. We exchanged a few words lazily.
Afterwards there was silence on board the yacht. For some reason
or other we did not begin that game of dominoes. We felt
meditative, and fit for nothing but placid staring. The day was
ending in a serenity of still and exquisite brilliance. The water
shone pacifically; the sky, without a speck, was a benign
immensity of unstained light; the very mist on the Essex marsh
was like a gauzy and radiant fabric, hung from the wooded rises
inland, and draping the low shores in diaphanous folds. Only the
gloom to the west, brooding over the upper reaches, became more
sombre every minute, as if angered by the approach of the sun.
And at last, in its curved and imperceptible fall, the sun sank
low, and from glowing white changed to a dull red without rays
and without heat, as if about to go out suddenly, stricken to
death by the touch of that gloom brooding over a crowd of men.
Forthwith a change came over the waters, and the serenity became
less brilliant but more profound. The old river in its broad
reach rested unruffled at the decline of day, after ages of good
service done to the race that peopled its banks, spread out in
the tranquil dignity of a waterway leading to the uttermost ends
of the earth. We looked at the venerable stream not in the vivid
flush of a short day that comes and departs for ever, but in the
august light of abiding memories. And indeed nothing is easier
for a man who has, as the phrase goes, "followed the sea"
with reverence and affection, that to evoke the great spirit of
the past upon the lower reaches of the Thames. The tidal current
runs to and fro in its unceasing service, crowded with memories
of men and ships it had borne to the rest of home or to the
battles of the sea. It had known and served all the men of whom
the nation is proud, from Sir Francis Drake to Sir John Franklin,
knights all, titled and untitled--the great knights-errant of the
sea. It had borne all the ships whose names are like jewels
flashing in the night of time, from the Golden Hind returning
with her rotund flanks full of treasure, to be visited by the
Queen's Highness and thus pass out of the gigantic tale, to the
Erebus and Terror, bound on other conquests-- and that never
returned. It had known the ships and the men. They had sailed
from Deptford, from Greenwich, from Erith-- the adventurers and
the settlers; kings' ships and the ships of men on 'Change;
captains, admirals, the dark "interlopers" of the
Eastern trade, and the commissioned "generals" of East
India fleets. Hunters for gold or pursuers of fame, they all had
gone out on that stream, bearing the sword, and often the torch,
messengers of the might within the land, bearers of a spark from
the sacred fire. What greatness had not floated on the ebb of
that river into the mystery of an unknown earth! . . . The dreams
of men, the seed of commonwealths, the germs of empires.
The sun set; the dusk fell on the stream, and lights began to
appear along the shore. The Chapman light-house, a three-legged
thing erect on a mud-flat, shone strongly. Lights of ships moved
in the fairway--a great stir of lights going up and going down.
And farther west on the upper reaches the place of the monstrous
town was still marked ominously on the sky, a brooding gloom in
sunshine, a lurid glare under the stars.
"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been
one of the dark places of the earth."
He was the only man of us who still "followed the sea."
The worst that could be said of him was that he did not represent
his class. He was a seaman, but he was a wanderer, too, while
most seamen lead, if one may so express it, a sedentary life.
Their minds are of the stay-at-home order, and their home is
always with them--the ship; and so is their country--the sea. One
ship is very much like another, and the sea is always the same.
In the immutability of their surroundings the foreign shores, the
foreign faces, the changing immensity of life, glide past, veiled
not by a sense of mystery but by a slightly disdainful ignorance;
for there is nothing mysterious to a seaman unless it be the sea
itself, which is the mistress of his existence and as inscrutable
as Destiny. For the rest, after his hours of work, a casual
stroll or a casual spree on shore suffices to unfold for him the
secret of a whole continent, and generally he finds the secret
not worth knowing. The yarns of seamen have a direct simplicity,
the whole meaning of which lies within the shell of a cracked nut.
But Marlow was not typical (if his propensity to spin yarns be
excepted), and to him the meaning of an episode was not inside
like a kernel but outside, enveloping the tale which brought it
out only as a glow brings out a haze, in the likeness of one of
these misty halos that sometimes are made visible by the spectral
illumination of moonshine.
His remark did not seem at all surprising. It was just like
Marlow. It was accepted in silence. No one took the trouble to
grunt even; and presently he said, very slow--"I was
thinking of very old times, when the Romans first came here,
nineteen hundred years ago--the other day. . . . Light came out
of this river since--you say Knights? Yes; but it is like a
running blaze on a plain, like a flash of lightning in the clouds.
We live in the flicker--may it last as long as the old earth
keeps rolling! But darkness was here yesterday. Imagine the
feelings of a commander of a fine--what d'ye call 'em?--trireme
in the Mediterranean, ordered suddenly to the north; run overland
across the Gauls in a hurry; put in charge of one of these craft
the legionaries--a wonderful lot of handy men they must have been,
too--used to build, apparently by the hundred, in a month or two,
if we may believe what we read. Imagine him here--the very end of
the world, a sea the colour of lead, a sky the colour of smoke, a
kind of ship about as rigid as a concertina-- and going up this
river with stores, or orders, or what you like. Sand-banks,
marshes, forests, savages,--precious little to eat fit for a
civilized man, nothing but Thames water to drink. No Falernian
wine here, no going ashore. Here and there a military camp lost
in a wilderness, like a needle in a bundle of hay--cold, fog,
tempests, disease, exile, and death--death skulking in the air,
in the water, in the bush. They must have been dying like flies
here. Oh, yes--he did it. Did it very well, too, no doubt, and
without thinking much about it either, except afterwards to brag
of what he had gone through in his time, perhaps. They were men
enough to face the darkness. And perhaps he was cheered by
keeping his eye on a chance of promotion to the fleet at Ravenna
by and by, if he had good friends in Rome and survived the awful
climate. Or think of a decent young citizen in a toga--perhaps
too much dice, you know--coming out here in the train of some
prefect, or tax-gatherer, or trader even, to mend his fortunes.
Land in a swamp, march through the woods, and in some inland post
feel the savagery, the utter savagery, had closed round him--all
that mysterious life of the wilderness that stirs in the forest,
in the jungles, in the hearts of wild men. There's no initiation
either into such mysteries. He has to live in the midst of the
incomprehensible, which is also detestable. And it has a
fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. The fascination of
the abomination--you know, imagine the growing regrets, the
longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate."
He paused.
"Mind," he began again, lifting one arm from the elbow,
the palm of the hand outwards, so that, with his legs folded
before him, he had the pose of a Buddha preaching in European
clothes and without a lotus-flower--"Mind, none of us would
feel exactly like this. What saves us is efficiency--the devotion
to efficiency. But these chaps were not much account, really.
They were no colonists; their administration was merely a squeeze,
and nothing more, I suspect. They were conquerors, and for that
you want only brute force-- nothing to boast of, when you have it,
since your strength is just an accident arising from the weakness
of others. They grabbed what they could get for the sake of what
was to be got. It was just robbery with violence, aggravated
murder on a great scale, and men going at it blind--as is very
proper for those who tackle a darkness. The conquest of the earth,
which mostly means the taking it away from those who have a
different complexion or slightly flatter noses than ourselves, is
not a pretty thing when you look into it too much. What redeems
it is the idea only. An idea at the back of it; not a sentimental
pretence but an idea; and an unselfish belief in the idea--something
you can set up, and bow down before, and offer a sacrifice to. .
. ."
He broke off. Flames glided in the river, small green flames, red
flames, white flames, pursuing, overtaking, joining, crossing
each other-- then separating slowly or hastily. The traffic of
the great city went on in the deepening night upon the sleepless
river. We looked on, waiting patiently--there was nothing else to
do till the end of the flood; but it was only after a long
silence, when he said, in a hesitating voice, "I suppose you
fellows remember I did once turn fresh-water sailor for a bit,"
that we knew we were fated, before the ebb began to run, to hear
about one of Marlow's inconclusive experiences.
"I don't want to bother you much with what happened to me
personally," he began, showing in this remark the weakness
of many tellers of tales who seem so often unaware of what their
audience would like best to hear; "yet to understand the
effect of it on me you ought to know how I got out there, what I
saw, how I went up that river to the place where I first met the
poor chap. It was the farthest point of navigation and the
culminating point of my experience. It seemed somehow to throw a
kind of light on everything about me-- and into my thoughts. It
was sombre enough, too--and pitiful-- not extraordinary in any
way--not very clear either. No, not very clear. And yet it seemed
to throw a kind of light.
"I had then, as you remember, just returned to London after
a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific, China Seas--a regular dose of the
East--six years or so, and I was loafing about, hindering you
fellows in your work and invading your homes, just as though I
had got a heavenly mission to civilize you. It was very fine for
a time, but after a bit I did get tired of resting. Then I began
to look for a ship--I should think the hardest work on earth. But
the ships wouldn't even look at me. And I got tired of that game,
too.
"Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for maps. I
would look for hours at South America, or Africa, or Australia,
and lose myself in all the glories of exploration. At that time
there were many blank spaces on the earth, and when I saw one
that looked particularly inviting on a map (but they all look
that) I would put my finger on it and say, `When I grow up I will
go there.' The North Pole was one of these places, I remember.
Well, I haven't been there yet, and shall not try now. The
glamour's off. Other places were scattered about the hemispheres.
I have been in some of them, and . . . well, we won't talk about
that. But there was one yet--the biggest, the most blank, so to
speak-- that I had a hankering after.
"True, by this time it was not a blank space any more. It
had got filled since my boyhood with rivers and lakes and names.
It had ceased to be a blank space of delightful mystery-- a white
patch for a boy to dream gloriously over. It had become a place
of darkness. But there was in it one river especially, a mighty
big river, that you could see on the map, resembling an immense
snake uncoiled, with its head in the sea, its body at rest
curving afar over a vast country, and its tail lost in the depths
of the land. And as I looked at the map of it in a shop-window,
it fascinated me as a snake would a bird--a silly little bird.
Then I remembered there was a big concern, a Company for trade on
that river. Dash it all! I thought to myself, they can't trade
without using some kind of craft on that lot of fresh water--steamboats!
Why shouldn't I try to get charge of one? I went on along Fleet
Street, but could not shake off the idea. The snake had charmed
me.
"You understand it was a Continental concern, that Trading
society; but I have a lot of relations living on the Continent,
because it's cheap and not so nasty as it looks, they say.
"I am sorry to own I began to worry them. This was already a
fresh departure for me. I was not used to get things that way,
you know. I always went my own road and on my own legs where I
had a mind to go. I wouldn't have believed it of myself; but,
then--you see--I felt somehow I must get there by hook or by
crook. So I worried them. The men said `My dear fellow,' and did
nothing. Then--would you believe it?--I tried the women. I,
Charlie Marlow, set the women to work-- to get a job. Heavens!
Well, you see, the notion drove me. I had an aunt, a dear
enthusiastic soul. She wrote: `It will be delightful. I am ready
to do anything, anything for you. It is a glorious idea. I know
the wife of a very high personage in the Administration, and also
a man who has lots of influence with,' etc. She was determined to
make no end of fuss to get me appointed skipper of a river
steamboat, if such was my fancy.
"I got my appointment--of course; and I got it very quick.
It appears the Company had received news that one of their
captains had been killed in a scuffle with the natives. This was
my chance, and it made me the more anxious to go. It was only
months and months afterwards, when I made the attempt to recover
what was left of the body, that I heard the original quarrel
arose from a misunderstanding about some hens. Yes, two black
hens. Fresleven--that was the fellow's name, a Dane--thought
himself wronged somehow in the bargain, so he went ashore and
started to hammer the chief of the village with a stick. Oh, it
didn't surprise me in the least to hear this, and at the same
time to be told that Fresleven was the gentlest, quietest
creature that ever walked on two legs. No doubt he was; but he
had been a couple of years already out there engaged in the noble
cause, you know, and he probably felt the need at last of
asserting his self-respect in some way. Therefore he whacked the
old nigger mercilessly, while a big crowd of his people watched
him, thunderstruck, till some man-- I was told the chief's son--in
desperation at hearing the old chap yell, made a tentative jab
with a spear at the white man-- and of course it went quite easy
between the shoulder-blades. Then the whole population cleared
into the forest, expecting all kinds of calamities to happen,
while, on the other hand, the steamer Fresleven commanded left
also in a bad panic, in charge of the engineer, I believe.
Afterwards nobody seemed to trouble much about Fresleven's
remains, till I got out and stepped into his shoes. I couldn't
let it rest, though; but when an opportunity offered at last to
meet my predecessor, the grass growing through his ribs was tall
enough to hide his bones. They were all there. The supernatural
being had not been touched after he fell. And the village was
deserted, the huts gaped black, rotting, all askew within the
fallen enclosures. A calamity had come to it, sure enough. The
people had vanished. Mad terror had scattered them, men, women,
and children, through the bush, and they had never returned. What
became of the hens I don't know either. I should think the cause
of progress got them, anyhow. However, through this glorious
affair I got my appointment, before I had fairly begun to hope
for it.
"I flew around like mad to get ready, and before forty-eight
hours I was crossing the Channel to show myself to my employers,
and sign the contract. In a very few hours I arrived in a city
that always makes me think of a whited sepulchre. Prejudice no
doubt. I had no difficulty in finding the Company's offices. It
was the biggest thing in the town, and everybody I met was full
of it. They were going to run an over-sea empire, and make no end
of coin by trade.
"A narrow and deserted street in deep shadow, high houses,
innumerable windows with venetian blinds, a dead silence, grass
sprouting right and left, immense double doors standing
ponderously ajar. I slipped through one of these cracks, went up
a swept and ungarnished staircase, as arid as a desert, and
opened the first door I came to. Two women, one fat and the other
slim, sat on straw-bottomed chairs, knitting black wool. The slim
one got up and walked straight at me-- still knitting with
downcast eyes--and only just as I began to think of getting out
of her way, as you would for a somnambulist, stood still, and
looked up. Her dress was as plain as an umbrella-cover, and she
turned round without a word and preceded me into a waiting-room.
I gave my name, and looked about. Deal table in the middle, plain
chairs all round the walls, on one end a large shining map,
marked with all the colours of a rainbow. There was a vast amount
of red--good to see at any time, because one knows that some real
work is done in there, a deuce of a lot of blue, a little green,
smears of orange, and, on the East Coast, a purple patch, to show
where the jolly pioneers of progress drink the jolly lager-beer.
However, I wasn't going into any of these. I was going into the
yellow. Dead in the centre. And the river was there--fascinating--deadly--like
a snake. Ough! A door opened, ya white-haired secretarial head,
but wearing a compassionate expression, appeared, and a skinny
forefinger beckoned me into the sanctuary. Its light was dim, and
a heavy writing-desk squatted in the middle. From behind that
structure came out an impression of pale plumpness in a frock-coat.
The great man himself. He was five feet six, I should judge, and
had his grip on the handle-end of ever so many millions. He shook
hands, I fancy, murmured vaguely, was satisfied with my French.
Bon Voyage.
"In about forty-five seconds I found myself again in the
waiting-room with the compassionate secretary, who, full of
desolation and sympathy, made me sign some document. I believe I
undertook amongst other things not to disclose any trade secrets.
Well, I am not going to.
"I began to feel slightly uneasy. You know I am not used to
such ceremonies, and there was something ominous in the
atmosphere. It was just as though I had been let into some
conspiracy-- I don't know--something not quite right; and I was
glad to get out. In the outer room the two women knitted black
wool feverishly. People were arriving, and the younger one was
walking back and forth introducing them. The old one sat on her
chair. Her flat cloth slippers were propped up on a foot-warmer,
and a cat reposed on her lap. She wore a starched white affair on
her head, had a wart on one cheek, and silver-rimmed spectacles
hung on the tip of her nose. She glanced at me above the glasses.
The swift and indifferent placidity of that look troubled me. Two
youths with foolish and cheery countenances were being piloted
over, and she threw at them the same quick glance of unconcerned
wisdom. She seemed to know all about them and about me, too. An
eerie feeling came over me. She seemed uncanny and fateful. Often
far away there I thought of these two, guarding the door of
Darkness, knitting black wool as for a warm pall, one introducing,
introducing continuously to the unknown, the other scrutinizing
the cheery and foolish faces with unconcerned old eyes. Ave! Old
knitter of black wool. Morituri te salutant. Not many of those
she looked at ever saw her again--not half, by a long way.
"There was yet a visit to the doctor. `A simple formality,'
assured me the secretary, with an air of taking an immense part
in all my sorrows. Accordingly a young chap wearing his hat over
the left eyebrow, some clerk I suppose--there must have been
clerks in the business, though the house was as still as a house
in a city of the dead-- came from somewhere up-stairs, and led me
forth. He was shabby and careless, with inkstains on the sleeves
of his jacket, and his cravat was large and billowy, under a chin
shaped like the toe of an old boot. It was a little too early for
the doctor, so I proposed a drink, and thereupon he developed a
vein of joviality. As we sat over our vermouths he glorified the
Company's business, and by and by I expressed casually my
surprise at him not going out there. He became very cool and
collected all at once. `I am not such a fool as I look, quoth
Plato to his disciples,' he said sententiously, emptied his glass
with great resolution, and we rose.
"The old doctor felt my pulse, evidently thinking of
something else the while. `Good, good for there,' he mumbled, and
then with a certain eagerness asked me whether I would let him
measure my head. Rather surprised, I said Yes, when he produced a
thing like calipers and got the dimensions back and front and
every way, taking notes carefully. He was an unshaven little man
in a threadbare coat like a gaberdine, with his feet in slippers,
and I thought him a harmless fool. `I always ask leave, in the
interests of science, to measure the crania of those going out
there,' he said. `And when they come back, too?' I asked. `Oh, I
never see them,' he remarked; `and, moreover, the changes take
place inside, you know.' He smiled, as if at some quiet joke. `So
you are going out there. Famous. Interesting, too.' He gave me a
searching glance, and made another note. `Ever any madness in
your family?' he asked, in a matter-of-fact tone. I felt very
annoyed. `Is that question in the interests of science, too?' `It
would be,' he said, without taking notice of my irritation, `interesting
for science to watch the mental changes of individuals, on the
spot, but . . .' `Are you an alienist?' I interrupted. `Every
doctor should be--a little,' answered that original,
imperturbably. `I have a little theory which you messieurs who go
out there must help me to prove. This is my share in the
advantages my country shall reap from the possession of such a
magnificent dependency. The mere wealth I leave to others. Pardon
my questions, but you are the first Englishman coming under my
observation . . .' I hastened to assure him I was not in the
least typical. `If I were,' said I, `I wouldn't be talking like
this with you.' `What you say is rather profound, and probably
erroneous,' he said, with a laugh. `Avoid irritation more than
exposure to the sun. Adieu. How do you English say, eh? Good-bye.
Ah! Good-bye. Adieu. In the tropics one must before everything
keep calm.' . . . He lifted a warning forefinger. . . . `Du calme,
du calme. Adieu.'
"One thing more remained to do--say good-bye to my excellent
aunt. I found her triumphant. I had a cup of tea--the last decent
cup of tea for many days--and in a room that most soothingly
looked just as you would expect a lady's drawing-room to look, we
had a long quiet chat by the fireside. In the course of these
confidences it became quite plain to me I had been represented to
the wife of the high dignitary, and goodness knows to how many
more people besides, as an exceptional and gifted creature-- a
piece of good fortune for the Company--a man you don't get hold
of every day. Good heavens! and I was going to take charge of a
two-penny-half-penny river-steamboat with a penny whistle
attached! It appeared, however, I was also one of the Workers,
with a capital-- you know. Something like an emissary of light,
something like a lower sort of apostle. There had been a lot of
such rot let loose in print and talk just about that time, and
the excellent woman, living right in the rush of all that humbug,
got carried off her feet. She talked about 'weaning those
ignorant millions from their horrid ways,' till, upon my word,
she made me quite uncomfortable. I ventured to hint that the
Company was run for profit.
"`You forget, dear Charlie, that the labourer is worthy of
his hire,' she said, brightly. It's queer how out of touch with
truth women are. They live in a world of their own, and there has
never been anything like it, and never can be. It is too
beautiful altogether, and if they were to set it up it would go
to pieces before the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men
have been living contentedly with ever since the day of creation
would start up and knock the whole thing over.
"After this I got embraced, told to wear flannel, be sure to
write often, and so on--and I left. In the street--I don't know
why--a queer feeling came to me that I was an imposter. Odd thing
that I, who used to clear out for any part of the world at twenty-four
hours' notice, with less thought than most men give to the
crossing of a street, had a moment--I won't say of hesitation,
but of startled pause, before this commonplace affair. The best
way I can explain it to you is by saying that, for a second or
two, I felt as though, instead of going to the centre of a
continent, I were about to set off for the centre of the earth.
"I left in a French steamer, and she called in every blamed
port they have out there, for, as far as I could see, the sole
purpose of landing soldiers and custom-house officers. I watched
the coast. Watching a coast as it slips by the ship is like
thinking about an enigma. There it is before you-- smiling,
frowning, inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always
mute with an air of whispering, `Come and find out.' This one was
almost featureless, as if still in the making, with an aspect of
monotonous grimness. The edge of a colossal jungle, so dark-green
as to be almost black, fringed with white surf, ran straight,
like a ruled line, far, far away along a blue sea whose glitter
was blurred by a creeping mist. The sun was fierce, the land
seemed to glisten and drip with steam. Here and there greyish-whitish
specks showed up clustered inside the white surf, with a flag
flying above them perhaps. Settlements some centuries old, and
still no bigger than pinheads on the untouched expanse of their
background. We pounded along, stopped, landed soldiers; went on,
landed custom-house clerks to levy toll in what looked like a God-forsaken
wilderness, with a tin shed and a flag-pole lost in it; landed
more soldiers--to take care of the custom-house clerks,
presumably. Some, I heard, got drowned in the surf; but whether
they did or not, nobody seemed particularly to care. They were
just flung out there, and on we went. Every day the coast looked
the same, as though we had not moved; but we passed various
places--trading places--with names like Gran' Bassam, Little Popo;
names that seemed to belong to some sordid farce acted in front
of a sinister back-cloth. The idleness of a passenger, my
isolation amongst all these men with whom I had no point of
contact, the oily and languid sea, the uniform sombreness of the
coast, seemed to keep me away from the truth of things, within
the toil of a mournful and senseless delusion. The voice of the
surf heard now and then was a positive pleasure, like the speech
of a brother. It was something natural, that had its reason, that
had a meaning. Now and then a boat from the shore gave one a
momentary contact with reality. It was paddled by black fellows.
You could see from afar the white of their eyeballs glistening.
They shouted, sang; their bodies streamed with perspiration; they
had faces like grotesque masks--these chaps; but they had bone,
muscle, a wild vitality, an intense energy of movement, that was
as natural and true as the surf along their coast. They wanted no
excuse for being there. They were a great comfort to look at. For
a time I would feel I belonged still to a world of
straightforward facts; but the feeling would not last long.
Something would turn up to scare it away. Once, I remember, we
came upon a man-of-war anchored off the coast. There wasn't even
a shed there, and she was shelling the bush. It appears the
French had one of their wars going on thereabouts. Her ensign
dropped limp like a rag; the muzzles of the long six-inch guns
stuck out all over the low hull; the greasy, slimy swell swung
her up lazily and let her down, swaying her thin masts. In the
empty immensity of earth, sky, and water, there she was,
incomprehensible, firing into a continent. Pop, would go one of
the six-inch guns; a small flame would dart and vanish, a little
white smoke would disappear, a tiny projectile would give a
feeble screech--and nothing happened. Nothing could happen. There
was a touch of insanity in the proceeding, a sense of lugubrious
drollery in the sight; and it was not dissipated by somebody on
board assuring me earnestly there was a camp of natives--he
called them enemies!-- hidden out of sight somewhere.
"We gave her her letters (I heard the men in that lonely
ship were dying of fever at the rate of three a day) and went on.
We called at some more places with farcical names, where the
merry dance of death and trade goes on in a still and earthy
atmosphere as of an overheated catacomb; all along the formless
coast bordered by dangerous surf, as if Nature herself had tried
to ward off intruders; in and out of rivers, streams of death in
life, whose banks were rotting into mud, whose waters, thickened
into slime, invaded the contorted mangroves, that seemed to
writhe at us in the extremity of an impotent despair. Nowhere did
we stop long enough to get a particularized impression, but the
general sense of vague and oppressive wonder grew upon me. It was
like a weary pilgrimage amongst hints for nightmares.
"It was upward of thirty days before I saw the mouth of the
big river. We anchored off the seat of the government. But my
work would not begin till some two hundred miles farther on. So
as soon as I could I made a start for a place thirty miles higher
up.
"I had my passage on a little sea-going steamer. Her captain
was a Swede, and knowing me for a seaman, invited me on the
bridge. He was a young man, lean, fair, and morose, with lanky
hair and a shuffling gait. As we left the miserable little wharf,
he tossed his head contemptuously at the shore. `Been living
there?' he asked. I said, `Yes.' `Fine lot these government chaps--are
they not?' he went on, speaking English with great precision and
considerable bitterness. `It is funny what some people will do
for a few francs a month. I wonder what becomes of that kind when
it goes upcountry?' I said to him I expected to see that soon. `So-o-o!'
he exclaimed. He shuffled athwart, keeping one eye ahead
vigilantly. `Don't be too sure,' he continued. `The other day I
took up a man who hanged himself on the road. He was a Swede, too.'
`Hanged himself! Why, in God's name?' I cried. He kept on looking
out watchfully. `Who knows? The sun too much for him, or the
country perhaps.'
"At last we opened a reach. A rocky cliff appeared, mounds
of turned-up earth by the shore, houses on a hill, others with
iron roofs, amongst a waste of excavations, or hanging to the
declivity. A continuous noise of the rapids above hovered over
this scene of inhabited devastation. A lot of people, mostly
black and naked, moved about like ants. A jetty projected into
the river. A blinding sunlight drowned all this at times in a
sudden recrudescence of glare. `There's your Company's station,'
said the Swede, pointing to three wooden barrack-like structures
on the rocky slope. `I will send your things up. Four boxes did
you say? So. Farewell.'
"I came upon a boiler wallowing in the grass, then found a
path leading up the hill. It turned aside for the boulders, and
also for an undersized railway-truck lying there on its back with
its wheels in the air. One was off. The thing looked as dead as
the carcass of some animal. I came upon more pieces of decaying
machinery, a stack of rusty rails. To the left a clump of trees
made a shady spot, where dark things seemed to stir feebly. I
blinked, the path was steep. A horn tooted to the right, and I
saw the black people run. A heavy and dull detonation shook the
ground, a puff of smoke came out of the cliff, and that was all.
No change appeared on the face of the rock. They were building a
railway. The cliff was not in the way or anything; but this
objectless blasting was all the work going on.
"A slight clinking behind me made me turn my head. Six black
men advanced in a file, toiling up the path. They walked erect
and slow, balancing small baskets full of earth on their heads,
and the clink kept time with their footsteps. Black rags were
wound round their loins, and the short ends behind waggled to and
fro like tails. I could see every rib, the joints of their limbs
were like knots in a rope; each had an iron collar on his neck,
and all were connected together with a chain whose bights swung
between them, rhythmically clinking. Another report from the
cliff made me think suddenly of that ship of war I had seen
firing into a continent. It was the same kind of ominous voice;
but these men could by no stretch of imagination be called
enemies. They were called criminals, and the outraged law, like
the bursting shells, had come to them, an insoluble mystery from
the sea. All their meagre breasts panted together, the violently
dilated nostrils quivered, the eyes stared stonily uphill. They
passed me within six inches, without a glance, with that complete,
deathlike indifference of unhappy savages. Behind this raw matter
one of the reclaimed, the product of the new forces at work,
strolled despondently, carrying a rifle by its middle. He had a
uniform jacket with one button off, and seeing a white man on the
path, hoisted his weapon to his shoulder with alacrity. This was
simple prudence, white men being so much alike at a distance that
he could not tell who I might be. He was speedily reassured, and
with a large, white, rascally grin, and a glance at his charge,
seemed to take me into partnership in his exalted trust. After
all, I also was a part of the great cause of these high and just
proceedings.
"Instead of going up, I turned and descended to the left. My
idea was to let that chain-gang get out of sight before I climbed
the hill. You know I am not particularly tender; I've had to
strike and to fend off. I've had to resist and to attack
sometimes--that's only one way of resisting-- without counting
the exact cost, according to the demands of such sort of life as
I had blundered into. I've seen the devil of violence, and the
devil of greed, and the devil of hot desire; but, by all the
stars! these were strong, lusty, red-eyed devils, that swayed and
drove men--men, I tell you. But as I stood on this hillside, I
foresaw that in the blinding sunshine of that land I would become
acquainted with a flabby, pretending, weak-eyed devil of a
rapacious and pitiless folly. How insidious he could be, too, I
was only to find out several months later and a thousand miles
farther. For a moment I stood appalled, as though by a warning.
Finally I descended the hill, obliquely, towards the trees I had
seen.
"I avoided a vast artificial hole somebody had been digging
on the slope, the purpose of which I found it impossible to
divine. It wasn't a quarry or a sandpit, anyhow. It was just a
hole. It might have been connected with the philanthropic desire
of giving the criminals something to do. I don't know. Then I
nearly fell into a very narrow ravine, almost no more than a scar
in the hillside. I discovered that a lot of imported drainage-pipes
for the settlement had been tumbled in there. There wasn't one
that was not broken. It was a wanton smash-up. At last I got
under the trees. My purpose was to stroll into the shade for a
moment; but no sooner within than it seemed to me I had stepped
into the gloomy circle of some Inferno. The rapids were near, and
an uninterrupted, uniform, headlong, rushing noise filled the
mournful stillness of the grove, where not a breath stirred, not
a leaf moved, with a mysterious sound--as though the tearing pace
of the launched earth had suddenly become audible.
"Black shapes crouched, lay, sat between the trees leaning
against the trunks, clinging to the earth, half coming out, half
effaced within the dim light, in all the attitudes of pain,
abandonment, and despair. Another mine on the cliff went off,
followed by a slight shudder of the soil under my feet. The work
was going on. The work! And this was the place where some of the
helpers had withdrawn to die.
"They were dying slowly--it was very clear. They were not
enemies, they were not criminals, they were nothing earthly now--
nothing but black shadows of disease and starvation, lying
confusedly in the greenish gloom. Brought from all the recesses
of the coast in all the legality of time contracts, lost in
uncongenial surroundings, fed on unfamiliar food, they sickened,
became inefficient, and were then allowed to crawl away and rest.
These moribund shapes were free as air--and nearly as thin. I
began to distinguish the gleam of the eyes under the trees. Then,
glancing down, I saw a face near my hand. The black bones
reclined at full length with one shoulder against the tree, and
slowly the eyelids rose and the sunken eyes looked up at me,
enormous and vacant, a kind of blind, white flicker in the depths
of the orbs, which died out slowly. The man seemed young-- almost
a boy--but you know with them it's hard to tell. I found nothing
else to do but to offer him one of my good Swede's ship's
biscuits I had in my pocket. The fingers closed slowly on it and
held--there was no other movement and no other glance. He had
tied a bit of white worsted round his neck--Why? Where did he get
it? Was it a badge--an ornament--a charm-- a propitiatory act?
Was there any idea at all connected with it? It looked startling
round his black neck, this bit of white thread from beyond the
seas.
"Near the same tree two more bundles of acute angles sat
with their legs drawn up. One, with his chin propped on his knees,
stared at nothing, in an intolerable and appalling manner: his
brother phantom rested its forehead, as if overcome with a great
weariness; and all about others were scattered in every pose of
contorted collapse, as in some picture of a massacre or a
pestilence. While I stood horror-struck, one of these creatures
rose to his hands and knees, and went off on all-fours towards
the river to drink. He lapped out of his hand, then sat up in the
sunlight, crossing his shins in front of him, and after a time
let his woolly head fall on his breastbone.
"I didn't want any more loitering in the shade, and I made
haste towards the station. When near the buildings I met a white
man, in such an unexpected elegance of get-up that in the first
moment I took him for a sort of vision. I saw a high starched
collar, white cuffs, a light alpaca jacket, snowy trousers, a
clean necktie, and varnished boots. No hat. Hair parted, brushed,
oiled, under a green-lined parasol held in a big white hand. He
was amazing, and had a penholder behind his ear.
"I shook hands with this miracle, and I learned he was the
Company's chief accountant, and that all the book-keeping was
done at this station. He had come out for a moment, he said, `to
get a breath of fresh air. The expression sounded wonderfully odd,
with its suggestion of sedentary desk-life. I wouldn't have
mentioned the fellow to you at all, only it was from his lips
that I first heard the name of the man who is so indissolubly
connected with the memories of that time. Moreover, I respected
the fellow. Yes; I respected his collars, his vast cuffs, his
brushed hair. His appearance was certainly that of a hairdresser's
dummy; but in the great demoralization of the land he kept up his
appearance. That's backbone. His starched collars and got-up
shirt-fronts were achievements of character. He had been out
nearly three years; and, later, I could not help asking him how
he managed to sport such linen. He had just the faintest blush,
and said modestly, `I've been teaching one of the native women
about the station. It was difficult. She had a distaste for the
work.' Thus this man had verily accomplished something. And he
was devoted to his books, which were in apple-pie order.
"Everything else in the station was in a muddle--heads,
things, buildings. Strings of dusty niggers with splay feet
arrived and departed; a stream of manufactured goods, rubbishy
cottons, beads, and brass-wire set into the depths of darkness,
and in return came a precious trickle of ivory.
"I had to wait in the station for ten days--an eternity. I
lived in a hut in the yard, but to be out of the chaos I would
sometimes get into the accountant's office. It was built of
horizontal planks, and so badly put together that, as he bent
over his high desk, he was barred from neck to heels with narrow
strips of sunlight. There was no need to open the big shutter to
see. It was hot there, too; big flies buzzed fiendishly, and did
not sting, but stabbed. I sat generally on the floor, while, of
faultless appearance (and even slightly scented), perching on a
high stool, he wrote, he wrote. Sometimes he stood up for
exercise. When a truckle-bed with a sick man (some invalid agent
from upcountry) was put in there, he exhibited a gentle annoyance.
`The groans of this sick person,' he said, `distract my attention.
And without that it is extremely difficult to guard against
clerical errors in this climate.'
"One day he remarked, without lifting his head, `In the
interior you will no doubt meet Mr. Kurtz.' On my asking who Mr.
Kurtz was, he said he was a first-class agent; and seeing my
disappointment at this information, he added slowly, laying down
his pen, `He is a very remarkable person.' Further questions
elicited from him that Mr. Kurtz was at present in charge of a
trading-post, a very important one, in the true ivory-country, at
`the very bottom of there. Sends in as much ivory as all the
others put together . . .' He began to write again. The sick man
was too ill to groan. The flies buzzed in a great peace.
"Suddenly there was a growing murmur of voices and a great
tramping of feet. A caravan had come in. A violent babble of
uncouth sounds burst out on the other side of the planks. All the
carriers were speaking together, and in the midst of the uproar
the lamentable voice of the chief agent was heard `giving it up'
tearfully for the twentieth time that day. . . . He rose slowly.
`What a frightful row,' he said. He crossed the room gently to
look at the sick man, and returning, said to me, `He does not
hear.' `What! Dead?' I asked, startled. `No, not yet,' he
answered, with great composure. Then, alluding with a toss of the
head to the tumult in the station-yard, `When one has got to make
correct entries, one comes to hate those savages--hate them to
the death.' He remained thoughtful for a moment. `When you see Mr.
Kurtz' he went on, `tell him from me that everything here'-- he
glanced at the deck--' is very satisfactory. I don't like to
write to him--with those messengers of ours you never know who
may get hold of your letter--at that Central Station.' He stared
at me for a moment with his mild, bulging eyes. `Oh, he will go
far, very far,' he began again. `He will be a somebody in the
Administration before long. They, above--the Council in Europe,
you know--mean him to be.'
"He turned to his work. The noise outside had ceased, and
presently in going out I stopped at the door. In the steady buzz
of flies the homeward-bound agent was lying finished and
insensible; the other, bent over his books, was making correct
entries of perfectly correct transactions; and fifty feet below
the doorstep I could see the still tree-tops of the grove of
death.
"Next day I left that station at last, with a caravan of
sixty men, for a two-hundred-mile tramp.
"No use telling you much about that. Paths, paths,
everywhere; a stamped-in network of paths spreading over the
empty land, through the long grass, through burnt grass, through
thickets, down and up chilly ravines, up and down stony hills
ablaze with heat; and a solitude, a solitude, nobody, not a hut.
The population had cleared out a long time ago. Well, if a lot of
mysterious niggers armed with all kinds of fearful weapons
suddenly took to travelling on the road between Deal and
Gravesend, catching the yokels right and left to carry heavy
loads for them, I fancy every farm and cottage thereabouts would
get empty very soon. Only here the dwellings were gone, too.
Still I passed through several abandoned villages. There's
something pathetically childish in the ruins of grass walls. Day
after day, with the stamp and shuffle of sixty pair of bare feet
behind me, each pair under a 60-lb. load. Camp, cook, sleep,
strike camp, march. Now and then a carrier dead in harness, at
rest in the long grass near the path, with an empty water-gourd
and his long staff lying by his side. A great silence around and
above. Perhaps on some quiet night the tremor of far-off drums,
sinking, swelling, a tremor vast, faint; a sound weird, appealing,
suggestive, and wild--and perhaps with as profound a meaning as
the sound of bells in a Christian country. Once a white man in an
unbuttoned uniform, camping on the path with an armed escort of
lank Zanzibaris, very hospitable and festive-- not to say drunk.
Was looking after the upkeep of the road, he declared. Can't say
I saw any road or any upkeep, unless the body of a middle-aged
negro, with a bullet-hole in the forehead, upon which I
absolutely stumbled three miles farther on, may be considered as
a permanent improvement. I had a white companion, too, not a bad
chap, but rather too fleshy and with the exasperating habit of
fainting on the hot hillsides, miles away from the least bit of
shade and water. Annoying, you know, to hold your own coat like a
parasol over a man's head while he is coming to. I couldn't help
asking him once what he meant by coming there at all. `To make
money, of course. What do you think?' he said, scornfully. Then
he got fever, and had to be carried in a hammock slung under a
pole. As he weighed sixteen stone I had no end of rows with the
carriers. They jibbed, ran away, sneaked off with their loads in
the night--quite a mutiny. So, one evening, I made a speech in
English with gestures, not one of which was lost to the sixty
pairs of eyes before me, and the next morning I started the
hammock off in front all right. An hour afterwards I came upon
the whole concern wrecked in a bush--man, hammock, groans,
blankets, horrors. The heavy pole had skinned his poor nose. He
was very anxious for me to kill somebody, but there wasn't the
shadow of a carrier near. I remembered the old doctor--'It would
be interesting for science to watch the mental changes of
individuals, on the spot.' I felt I was becoming scientifically
interesting. However, all that is to no purpose. On the fifteenth
day I came in sight of the big river again, and hobbled into the
Central Station. It was on a back water surrounded by scrub and
forest, with a pretty border of smelly mud on one side, and on
the three others enclosed by a crazy fence of rushes. A neglected
gap was all the gate it had, and the first glance at the place
was enough to let you see the flabby devil was running that show.
White men with long staves in their hands appeared languidly from
amongst the buildings, strolling up to take a look at me, and
then retired out of sight somewhere. One of them, a stout,
excitable chap with black moustaches, informed me with great
volubility and many digressions, as soon as I told him who I was,
that my steamer was at the bottom of the river. I was
thunderstruck. What, how, why? Oh, it was `all right.' The `manager
himself' was there. All quite correct. `Everybody had behaved
splendidly! splendidly!'--'you must,' he said in agitation, `go
and see the general manager at once. He is waiting!'
"I did not see the real significance of that wreck at once.
I fancy I see it now, but I am not sure--not at all. Certainly
the affair was too stupid--when I think of it-- to be altogether
natural. Still . . . But at the moment it presented itself simply
as a confounded nuisance. The steamer was sunk. They had started
two days before in a sudden hurry up the river with the manager
on board, in charge of some volunteer skipper, and before they
had been out three hours they tore the bottom out of her on
stones, and she sank near the south bank. I asked myself what I
was to do there, now my boat was lost. As a matter of fact, I had
plenty to do in fishing my command out of the river. I had to set
about it the very next day. That, and the repairs when I brought
the pieces to the station, took some months.
"My first interview with the manager was curious. He did not
ask me to sit down after my twenty-mile walk that morning. He was
commonplace in complexion, in features, in manners, and in voice.
He was of middle size and of ordinary build. His eyes, of the
usual blue, were perhaps remarkably cold, and he certainly could
make his glance fall on one as trenchant and heavy as an axe. But
even at these times the rest of his person seemed to disclaim the
intention. Otherwise there was only an indefinable, faint
expression of his lips, something stealthy-- a smile--not a smile--I
remember it, but I can't explain. It was unconscious, this smile
was, though just after he had said something it got intensified
for an instant. It came at the end of his speeches like a seal
applied on the words to make the meaning of the commonest phrase
appear absolutely inscrutable. He was a common trader, from his
youth up employed in these parts--nothing more. He was obeyed,
yet he inspired neither love nor fear, nor even respect. He
inspired uneasiness. That was it! Uneasiness. Not a definite
mistrust--just uneasiness--nothing more. You have no idea how
effective such a . . . a. . . . faculty can be. He had no genius
for organizing, for initiative, or for order even. That was
evident in such things as the deplorable state of the station. He
had no learning, and no intelligence. His position had come to
him--why? Perhaps because he was never ill . . . He had served
three terms of three years out there . . . Because triumphant
health in the general rout of constitutions is a kind of power in
itself. When he went home on leave he rioted on a large scale--pompously.
Jack ashore--with a difference-- in externals only. This one
could gather from his casual talk. He originated nothing, he
could keep the routine going--that's all. But he was great. He
was great by this little thing that it was impossible to tell
what could control such a man. He never gave that secret away.
Perhaps there was nothing within him. Such a suspicion made one
pause--for out there there were no external checks. Once when
various tropical diseases had laid low almost every `agent' in
the station, he was heard to say, `Men who come out here should
have no entrails.' He sealed the utterance with that smile of his,
as though it had been a door opening into a darkness he had in
his keeping. You fancied you had seen things--but the seal was on.
When annoyed at meal-times by the constant quarrels of the white
men about precedence, he ordered an immense round table to be
made, for which a special house had to be built. This was the
station's mess-room. Where he sat was the first place--the rest
were nowhere. One felt this to be his unalterable conviction. He
was neither civil nor uncivil. He was quiet. He allowed his `boy'--an
overfed young negro from the coast--to treat the white men, under
his very eyes, with provoking insolence.
"He began to speak as soon as he saw me. I had been very
long on the road. He could not wait. Had to start without me. The
up-river stations had to be relieved. There had been so many
delays already that he did not know who was dead and who was
alive, and how they got on--and so on, and so on. He paid no
attention to my explanations, and, playing with a stick of
sealing-wax, repeated several times that the situation was `very
grave, very grave.' There were rumours that a very important
station was in jeopardy, and its chief, Mr. Kurtz, was ill. Hoped
it was not true. Mr. Kurtz was . . . I felt weary and irritable.
Hang Kurtz, I thought. I interrupted him by saying I had heard of
Mr. Kurtz on the coast. `Ah! So they talk of him down there,' he
murmured to himself. Then he began again, assuring me Mr. Kurtz
was the best agent he had, an exceptional man, of the greatest
importance to the Company; therefore I could understand his
anxiety. He was, he said, `very, very uneasy.' Certainly he
fidgeted on his chair a good deal, exclaimed, `Ah, Mr. Kurtz!'
broke the stick of sealing-wax and seemed dumfounded by the
accident. Next thing he wanted to know `how long it would take to'
. . . I interrupted him again. Being hungry, you know, and kept
on my feet too. I was getting savage. `How can I tell?' I said. `I
haven't even seen the wreck yet-- some months, no doubt.' All
this talk seemed to me so futile. `Some months,' he said. `Well,
let us say three months before we can make a start. Yes. That
ought to do the affair.' I flung out of his hut (he lived all
alone in a clay hut with a sort of verandah) muttering to myself
my opinion of him. He was a chattering idiot. Afterwards I took
it back when it was borne in upon me startlingly with what
extreme nicety he had estimated the time requisite for the `affair.'
"I went to work the next day, turning, so to speak, my back
on that station. In that way only it seemed to me I could keep my
hold on the redeeming facts of life. Still, one must look about
sometimes; and then I saw this station, these men strolling
aimlessly about in the sunshine of the yard. I asked myself
sometimes what it all meant. They wandered here and there with
their absurd long staves in their hands, like a lot of faithless
pilgrims bewitched inside a rotten fence. The word `ivory' rang
in the air, was whispered, was sighed. You would think they were
praying to it. A taint of imbecile rapacity blew through it all,
like a whiff from some corpse. By Jove! I've never seen anything
so unreal in my life. And outside, the silent wilderness
surrounding this cleared speck on the earth struck me as
something great and invincible, like evil or truth, waiting
patiently for the passing away of this fantastic invasion.
"Oh, these months! Well, never mind. Various things
yhappened. One evening a grass shed full of calico, cotton prints,
beads, and I don't know what else, burst into a blaze so suddenly
that you would have thought the earth had opened to let an
avenging fire consume all that trash. I was smoking my pipe
quietly by my dismantled steamer, and saw them all cutting capers
in the light, with their arms lifted high, when the stout man
with moustaches came tearing down to the river, a tin pail in his
hand, assured me that everybody was `behaving splendidly,
splendidly,' dipped about a quart of water and tore back again. I
noticed there was a hole in the bottom of his pail.
"I strolled up. There was no hurry. You see the thing had
gone off like a box of matches. It had been hopeless from the
very first. The flame had leaped high, driven everybody back,
lighted up everything-- and collapsed. The shed was already a
heap of embers glowing fiercely. A nigger was being beaten near
by. They said he had caused the fire in some way; be that as it
may, he was screeching most horribly. I saw him, later, for
several days, sitting in a bit of shade looking very sick and
trying to recover himself; afterwards he arose and went out-- and
the wilderness without a sound took him into its bosom again. As
I approached the glow from the dark I found myself at the back of
two men, talking. I heard the name of Kurtz pronounced, then the
words, `take advantage of this unfortunate accident.' One of the
men was the manager. I wished him a good evening. `Did you ever
see anything like it-- eh? it is incredible,' he said, and walked
off. The other man remained. He was a first-class agent, young,
gentlemanly, a bit reserved, with a forked little beard and a
hooked nose. He was stand-offish with the other agents, and they
on their side said he was the manager's spy upon them. As to me,
I had hardly ever spoken to him before. We got into talk, and by
and by we strolled away from the hissing ruins. Then he asked me
to his room, which was in the main building of the station. He
struck a match, and I perceived that this young aristocrat had
not only a silver-mounted dressing-case but also a whole candle
all to himself. Just at that time the manager was the only man
supposed to have any right to candles. Native mats covered the
clay walls; a collection of spears, assegais, shields, knives was
hung up in trophies. The business intrusted to this fellow was
the making of bricks-- so I had been informed; but there wasn't a
fragment of a brick anywhere in the station, and he had been
there more than a year--waiting. It seems he could not make
bricks without something, I don't know what--straw maybe. Anyway,
it could not be found there and as it was not likely to be sent
from Europe, it did not appear clear to me what he was waiting
for. An act of special creation perhaps. However, they were all
waiting-- all the sixteen or twenty pilgrims of them--for
something; and upon my word it did not seem an uncongenial
occupation, from the way they took it, though the only thing that
ever came to them was disease-- as far as I could see. They
beguiled the time by back-biting and intriguing against each
other in a foolish kind of way. There was an air of plotting
about that station, but nothing came of it, of course. It was as
unreal as everything else--as the philanthropic pretence of the
whole concern, as their talk, as their government, as their show
of work. The only real feeling was a desire to get appointed to a
trading-post where ivory was to be had, so that they could earn
percentages. They intrigued and slandered and hated each other
only on that account-- but as to effectually lifting a little
finger--oh, no. By heavens! there is something after all in the
world allowing one man to steal a horse while another must not
look at a halter. Steal a horse straight out. Very well. He has
done it. Perhaps he can ride. But there is a way of looking at a
halter that would provoke the most charitable of saints into a
kick.
"I had no idea why he wanted to be sociable, but as we
chatted in there it suddenly occurred to me the fellow was trying
to get at something-- in fact, pumping me. He alluded constantly
to Europe, to the people I was supposed to know there--putting
leading questions as to my acquaintances in the sepulchral city,
and so on. His little eyes glittered like mica discs-- with
curiosity--though he tried to keep up a bit of superciliousness.
At first I was astonished, but very soon I became awfully curious
to see what he would find out from me. I couldn't possibly
imagine what I had in me to make it worth his while. It was very
pretty to see how he baffled himself, for in truth my body was
full only of chills, and my head had nothing in it but that
wretched steamboat business. It was evident he took me for a
perfectly shameless prevaricator. At last he got angry, and, to
conceal a movement of furious annoyance, he yawned. I rose. Then
I noticed a small sketch in oils, on a panel, representing a
woman, draped and blindfolded, carrying a lighted torch. The
background was sombre--almost black. The movement of the woman
was stately, and the effect of the torchlight on the face was
sinister.
"It arrested me, and he stood by civilly, holding an empty
half-pint champagne bottle (medical comforts) with the candle
stuck in it. To my question he said Mr. Kurtz had painted this--in
this very station more than a year ago--while waiting for means
to go to his trading post. `Tell me, pray,' said I, `who is this
Mr. Kurtz?'
"`The chief of the Inner Station,' he answered in a short
tone, looking away. `Much obliged,' I said, laughing. `And you
are the brickmaker of the Central Station. Every one knows that.'
He was silent for a while. `He is a prodigy,' he said at last. `He
is an emissary of pity and science and progress, and devil knows
what else. We want,' he began to declaim suddenly, `for the
guidance of the cause intrusted to us by Europe, so to speak,
higher intelligence, wide sympathies, a singleness of purpose.' `Who
says that?' I asked. `Lots of them,' he replied. `Some even write
that; and so he comes here, a special being, as you ought to know.'
`Why ought I to know?' I interrupted, really surprised. He paid
no attention. `Yes. Today he is chief of the best station, next
year he will be assistant-manager, two years more and . . . but I
dare-say you know what he will be in two years' time. You are of
the new gang--the gang of virtue. The same people who sent him
specially also recommended you. Oh, don't say no. I've my own
eyes to trust.' Light dawned upon me. My dear aunt's influential
acquaintances were producing an unexpected effect upon that young
man. I nearly burst into a laugh. `Do you read the Company's
confidential correspondence?' I asked. He hadn't a word to say.
It was great fun. `When Mr. Kurtz,' I continued, severely, `is
General Manager, you won't have the opportunity.'
"He blew the candle out suddenly, and we went outside. The
moon had risen. Black figures strolled about listlessly, pouring
water on the glow, whence proceeded a sound of hissing; steam
ascended in the moonlight, the beaten nigger groaned somewhere. `What
a row the brute makes!' said the indefatigable man with the
moustaches, appearing near us. `Serve him right. Transgression--punishment--bang!
Pitiless, pitiless. That's the only way. This will prevent all
conflagrations for the future. I was just telling the manager . .
.' He noticed my companion, and became crestfallen all at once. `Not
in bed yet,' he said, with a kind of servile heartiness; `it's so
natural. Ha! Danger--agitation.' He vanished. I went on to the
riverside, and the other followed me. I heard a scathing murmur
at my ear, `Heap of muffs--go to.' The pilgrims could be seen in
knots gesticulating, discussing. Several had still their staves
in their hands. I verily believe they took these sticks to bed
with them. Beyond the fence the forest stood up spectrally in the
moonlight, and through that dim stir, through the faint sounds of
that lamentable courtyard, the silence of the land went home to
one's very heart--its mystery, its greatness, the amazing reality
of its concealed life. The hurt nigger moaned feebly somewhere
near by, and then fetched a deep sigh that made me mend my pace
away from there. I felt a hand introducing itself under my arm. `My
dear sir,' said the fellow, `I don't want to be misunderstood,
and especially by you, who will see Mr. Kurtz long before I can
have that pleasure. I wouldn't like him to get a false idea of my
disposition. . . .'
"I let him run on, this papier-mache Mephistopheles, and it
seemed to me that if I tried I could poke my forefinger through
him, and would find nothing inside but a little loose dirt, maybe.
He, don't you see, had been planning to be assistant-manager by
and by under the present man, and I could see that the coming of
that Kurtz had upset them both not a little. He talked
precipitately, and I did not try to stop him. I had my shoulders
against the wreck of my steamer, hauled up on the slope like a
carcass of some big river animal. The smell of mud, of primeval
mud, by Jove! was in my nostrils, the high stillness of primeval
forest was before my eyes; there were shiny patches on the black
creek. The moon had spread over everything a thin layer of silver--
over the rank grass, over the mud, upon the wall of matted
vegetation standing higher than the wall of a temple, over the
great river I could see through a sombre gap glittering,
glittering, as it flowed broadly by without a murmur. All this
was great, expectant, mute, while the man jabbered about himself.
I wondered whether the stillness on the face of the immensity
looking at us two were meant as an appeal or as a menace. What
were we who had strayed in here? Could we handle that dumb thing,
or would it handle us? I felt how big, how confoundedly big, was
that thing that couldn't talk, and perhaps was deaf as well. What
was in there? I could see a little ivory coming out from there,
and I had heard Mr. Kurtz was in there. I had heard enough about
it, too-- God knows! Yet somehow it didn't bring any image with
it-- no more than if I had been told an angel or a fiend was in
there. I believed it in the same way one of you might believe
there are inhabitants in the planet Mars. I knew once a Scotch
sailmaker who was certain, dead sure, there were people in Mars.
If you asked him for some idea how they looked and behaved, he
would get shy and mutter something about `walking on all-fours.'
If you as much as smiled, he would--though a man of sixty-- offer
to fight you. I would not have gone so far as to fight for Kurtz,
but I went for him near enough to a lie. You know I hate, detest,
and can't bear a lie, not because I am straighter than the rest
of us, but simply because it appalls me. There is a taint of
death, a flavour of mortality in lies-- which is exactly what I
hate and detest in the world-- what I want to forget. It makes me
miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would do.
Temperament, I suppose. Well, I went near enough to it by letting
the young fool there believe anything he liked to imagine as to
my influence in Europe. I became in an instant as much of a
pretence as the rest of the bewitched pilgrims. This simply
because I had a notion it somehow would be of help to that Kurtz
whom at the time I did not see--you understand. He was just a
word for me. I did not see the man in the name any more than you
do. Do you see him? Do you see the story? Do you see anything? It
seems to me I am trying to tell you ya dream--making a vain
attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream-sensation,
that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a
tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the
incredible which is of the very essence of dreams. . . ."
He was silent for a while.
". . . No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey the
life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence--that which
makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence.
It is impossible. We live, as we dream--alone. . . ."
He paused again as if reflecting, then added:
"Of course in this you fellows see more than I could then.
You see me, whom you know. . . ."
It had become so pitch dark that we listeners could hardly see
one another. For a long time already he, sitting apart, had been
no more to us than a voice. There was not a word from anybody.
The others might have been asleep, but I was awake. I listened, I
listened on the watch for the sentence, for the word, that would
give me the clue to the faint uneasiness inspired by this
narrative that seemed to shape itself without human lips in the
heavy night-air of the river.
". . . Yes--I let him run on," Marlow began again,
"and think what he pleased about the powers that were behind
me. I did! And there was nothing behind me! There was nothing but
that wretched, old, mangled steamboat I was leaning against,
while he talked fluently about `the necessity for every man to
get on.' `And when one comes out here, you conceive, it is not to
gaze at the moon.' Mr. Kurtz was a `universal genius,' but even a
genius would find it easier to work with `adequate tools--intelligent
men.' He did not make bricks--why, there was a physical
impossibility in the way--as I was well aware; and if he did
secretarial work for the manager, it was because `no sensible man
rejects wantonly the confidence of his superiors.' Did I see it?
I saw it. What more did I want? What I really wanted was rivets,
by heaven! Rivets. To get on with the work--to stop the hole.
Rivets I wanted. There were cases of them down at the coast--
cases--piled up--burst--split! You kicked a loose rivet at every
second step in that station-yard on the hillside. Rivets had
rolled into the grove of death. You could fill your pockets with
rivets for the trouble of stooping down-- and there wasn't one
rivet to be found where it was wanted. We had plates that would
do, but nothing to fasten them with. And every week the messenger,
a long negro, letter-bag on shoulder and staff in hand, left our
station for the coast. And several times a week a coast caravan
came in with trade goods--ghastly glazed calico that made you
shudder only to look at it, glass beads value about a penny a
quart, confounded spotted cotton handkerchiefs. And no rivets.
Three carriers could have brought all that was wanted to set that
steamboat afloat.
"He was becoming confidential now, but I fancy my
unresponsive attitude must have exasperated him at last, for he
judged it necessary to inform me he feared neither God nor devil,
let alone any mere man. I said I could see that very well, but
what I wanted was a certain quantity of rivets--and rivets were
what really Mr. Kurtz wanted, if he had only known it. Now
letters went to the coast every week. . . . `My dear sir,' he
cried, `I write from dictation.' I demanded rivets. There was a
way--for an intelligent man. He changed his manner; became very
cold, and suddenly began to talk about a hippopotamus; wondered
whether sleeping on board the steamer (I stuck to my salvage
night and day) I wasn't disturbed. There was an old hippo that
had the bad habit of getting out on the bank and roaming at night
over the station grounds. The pilgrims used to turn out in a body
and empty every rifle they could lay hands on at him. Some even
had sat up o' nights for him. All this energy was wasted, though.
`That animal has a charmed life,' he said; `but you can say this
only of brutes in this country. No man--you apprehend me?--no man
here bears a charmed life.' He stood there for a moment in the
moonlight with his delicate hooked nose set a little askew, and
his mica eyes glittering without a wink, then, with a curt Good-night,
he strode off. I could see he was disturbed and considerably
puzzled, which made me feel more hopeful than I had been for days.
It was a great comfort to turn from that chap to my influential
friend, the battered, twisted, ruined, tin-pot steamboat. I
clambered on board. She rang under my feet like an empty Huntley
& Palmer biscuit-tin kicked along a gutter; she was nothing
so solid in make, and rather less pretty in shape, but I had
expended enough hard work on her to make me love her. No
influential friend would have served me better. She had given me
a chance to come out a bit--to find out what I could do. No, I
don't like work. I had rather laze about and think of all the
fine things that can be done. I don't like work--no man does--but
I like what is in the work-- the chance to find yourself. Your
own reality--for yourself, not for others--what no other man can
ever know. They can only see the mere show, and never can tell
what it really means.
"I was not surprised to see somebody sitting aft, on the
deck, with his legs dangling over the mud. You see I rather
chummed with the few mechanics there were in that station, whom
the other pilgrims naturally despised--on account of their
imperfect manners, I suppose. This was the foreman--a boiler-maker
by trade--a good worker. He was a lank, bony, yellow-faced man,
with big intense eyes. His aspect was worried, and his head was
as bald as the palm of my hand; but his hair in falling seemed to
have stuck to his chin, and had prospered in the new locality,
for his beard hung down to his waist. He was a widower with six
young children (he had left them in charge of a sister of his to
come out there), and the passion of his life was pigeon-flying.
He was an enthusiast and a connoisseur. He would rave about
pigeons. After work hours he used sometimes to come over from his
hut for a talk about his children and his pigeons; at work, when
he had to crawl in the mud under the bottom of the steamboat, he
would tie up that beard of his in a kind of white serviette he
brought for the purpose. It had loops to go over his ears. In the
evening he could be seen squatted on the bank rinsing that
wrapper in the creek with great care, then spreading it solemnly
on a bush to dry.
"I slapped him on the back and shouted, `We shall have
rivets!' He scrambled to his feet exclaiming, `No! Rivets!' as
though he couldn't believe his ears. Then in a low voice, `You .
. . eh?' I don't know why we behaved like lunatics. I put my
finger to the side of my nose and nodded mysteriously. `Good for
you!' he cried, snapped his fingers above his head, lifting one
foot. I tried a jig. We capered on the iron deck. A frightful
clatter came out of that hulk, and the virgin forest on the other
bank of the creek sent it back in a thundering roll upon the
sleeping station. It must have made some of the pilgrims sit up
in their hovels. A dark figure obscured the lighted doorway of
the manager's hut, vanished, then, a second or so after, the
doorway itself vanished, too. We stopped, and the silence driven
away by the stamping of our feet flowed back again from the
recesses of the land. The great wall of vegetation, an exuberant
and entangled mass of trunks, branches, leaves, boughs, festoons,
motionless in the moonlight, was like a rioting invasion of
soundless life, a rolling wave of plants, piled up, crested,
ready to topple over the creek, to sweep every little man of us
out of his little existence. And it moved not. A deadened burst
of mighty splashes and snorts reached us from afar, as though an
icthyosaurus had been taking a bath of glitter in the great river.
`After all,' said the boiler-maker in a reasonable tone, `why
shouldn't we get the rivets?' Why not, indeed! I did not know of
any reason why we shouldn't. `They'll come in three weeks,' I
said confidently.
"But they didn't. Instead of rivets there came an invasion,
an infliction, a visitation. It came in sections during the next
three weeks, each section headed by a donkey carrying a white man
in new clothes and tan shoes, bowing from that elevation right
and left to the impressed pilgrims. A quarrelsome band of
footsore sulky niggers trod on the heels of the donkey; a lot of
tents, camp-stools, tin boxes, white cases, brown bales would be
shot down in the courtyard, and the air of mystery would deepen a
little over the muddle of the station. Five such instalments came,
with their absurd air of disorderly flight with the loot of
innumerable outfit shops and provision stores, that, one would
think, they were lugging, after a raid, into the wilderness for
equitable division. It was an inextricable mess of things decent
in themselves but that human folly made look like the spoils of
thieving.
"This devoted band called itself the Eldorado Exploring
Expedition, and I believe they were sworn to secrecy. Their talk,
however, was the talk of sordid buccaneers: it ywas reckless
without hardihood, greedy without audacity, and cruel without
courage; there was not an atom of foresight or of serious
intention in the whole batch of them, and they did not seem aware
these things are wanted for the work of the world. To tear
treasure out of the bowels of the land was their desire, with no
more moral purpose at the back of it than there is in burglars
breaking into a safe. Who paid the expenses of the noble
enterprise I don't know; but the uncle of our manager was leader
of that lot.
"In exterior he resembled a butcher in a poor neighbourhood,
and his eyes had a look of sleepy cunning. He carried his fat
paunch with ostentation on his short legs, and during the time
his gang infested the station spoke to no one but his nephew. You
could see these two roaming about all day long with their heads
close together in an everlasting confab.
"I had given up worrying myself about the rivets. One's
capacity for that kind of folly is more limited than you would
suppose. I said Hang!--and let things slide. I had plenty of time
for meditation, and now and then I would give some thought to
Kurtz. I wasn't very interested in him. No. Still, I was curious
to see whether this man, who had come out equipped with moral
ideas of some sort, would climb to the top after all and how he
would set about his work when there."
part two
"One evening as I was lying flat on the deck
of my steamboat, I heard voices approaching--and there were the
nephew and the uncle strolling along the bank. I laid my head on
my arm again, and had nearly lost myself in a doze, when somebody
said in my ear, as it were: `I am as harmless as a little child,
but I don't like to be dictated to. Am I the manager--or am I not?
I was ordered to send him there. It's incredible.' . . . I became
aware that the two were standing on the shore alongside the
forepart of the steamboat, just below my head. I did not move; it
did not occur to me to move: I was sleepy. `It is unpleasant,'
grunted the uncle. `He has asked the Administration to be sent
there,' said the other, `with the idea of showing what he could
do; and I was instructed accordingly. Look at the influence that
man must have. Is it not frightful?' They both agreed it was
frightful, then made several bizarre remarks: `Make rain and fine
weather--one man--the Council--by the nose'-- bits of absurd
sentences that got the better of my drowsiness, so that I had
pretty near the whole of my wits about me when the uncle said, `The
climate may do away with this difficulty for you. Is he alone
there?' `Yes,' answered the manager; `he sent his assistant down
the river with a note to me in these terms: "Clear this poor
devil out of the country, and don't bother sending more of that
sort. I had rather be alone than have the kind of men you can
dispose of with me." It was more than a year ago. Can you
imagine such impudence!' `Anything since then?' asked the other
hoarsely. `Ivory,' jerked the nephew; `lots of it--prime sort--lots--most
annoying, from him.' `And with that?' questioned the heavy rumble.
`Invoice,' was the reply fired out, so to speak. Then silence.
They had been talking about Kurtz.
"I was broad awake by this time, but, lying perfectly at
ease, remained still, having no inducement to change my position.
`How did that ivory come all this way?' growled the elder man,
who seemed very vexed. The other explained that it had come with
a fleet of canoes in charge of an English half-caste clerk Kurtz
had with him; that Kurtz had apparently intended to return
himself, the station being by that time bare of goods and stores,
but after coming three hundred miles, had suddenly decided to go
back, which he started to do alone in a small dugout with four
paddlers, leaving the half-caste to continue down the river with
the ivory. The two fellows there seemed astounded at anybody
attempting such a thing. They were at a loss for an adequate
motive. As to me, I seemed to see Kurtz for the first time. It
was a distinct glimpse: the dugout, four paddling savages, and
the lone white man turning his back suddenly on the headquarters,
yon relief, on thoughts of home--perhaps; setting his face
towards the depths of the wilderness, towards his empty and
desolate station. I did not know the motive. Perhaps he was just
simply a fine fellow who stuck to his work for its own sake. His
name, you understand, had not been pronounced once. He was `that
man.' The half-caste, who, as far as I could see, had conducted a
difficult trip with great prudence and pluck, was invariably
alluded to as `that scoundrel.' The `scoundrel' had reported that
the `man' had been very ill--had recovered imperfectly. . . . The
two below me moved away then a few paces, and strolled back and
forth at some little distance. I heard: `Military post--doctor--two
hundred miles--quite alone now-- unavoidable delays--nine months--no
news--strange rumours.' They approached again, just as the
manager was saying, `No one, as far as I know, unless a species
of wandering trader-- a pestilential fellow, snapping ivory from
the natives.' Who was it they were talking about now? I gathered
in snatches that this was some man supposed to be in Kurtz's
district, and of whom the manager did not approve. `We will not
be free from unfair competition till one of these fellows is
hanged for an example,' he said. `Certainly,' grunted the other;
`get him hanged! Why not? Anything--anything can be done in this
country. That's what I say; nobody here, you understand, here,
can endanger your position. And why? You stand the climate--you
outlast them all. The danger is in Europe; but there before I
left I took care to--' They moved off and whispered, then their
voices rose again. `The extraordinary series of delays is not my
fault. I did my best.' The fat man sighed. `Very sad.' `And the
pestiferous absurdity of his talk,' continued the other; `he
bothered me enough when he was here. "Each station should be
like a beacon on the road towards better things, a centre for
trade of course, but also for humanizing, improving, instructing."
Conceive you--that ass! And he wants to be manager! No, it's--'
Here he got choked by excessive indignation, and I lifted my head
the least bit. I was surprised to see how near they were--right
under me. I could have spat upon their hats. They were looking on
the ground, absorbed in thought. The manager was switching his
leg with a slender twig: his sagacious relative lifted his head.
`You have been well since you came out this time?' he asked. The
other gave a start. `Who? I? Oh! Like a charm--like a charm. But
the rest--oh, my goodness! All sick. They die so quick, too, that
I haven't the time to send them out of the country-- it's
incredible!' `Hm'm. Just so,' grunted the uncle. `Ah! my boy,
trust to this--I say, trust to this.' I saw him extend his short
flipper of an arm for a gesture that took in the forest, the
creek, the mud, the river-- seemed to beckon with a dishonouring
flourish before the sunlit face of the land a treacherous appeal
to the lurking death, to the hidden evil, to the profound
darkness of its heart. It was so startling that I leaped to my
feet and looked back at the edge of the forest, as though I had
expected an answer of some sort to that black display of
confidence. You know the foolish notions that come to one
sometimes. The high stillness confronted these two figures with
its ominous patience, waiting for the passing away of a fantastic
invasion.
"They swore aloud together--out of sheer fright, I believe--then
pretending not to know anything of my existence, turned back to
the station. The sun was low; and leaning forward side by side,
they seemed to be tugging painfully uphill their two ridiculous
shadows of unequal length, that trailed behind them slowly over
the tall grass without bending a single blade.
"In a few days the Eldorado Expedition went into the patient
wilderness, that closed upon it as the sea closes over a diver.
Long afterwards the news came that all the donkeys were dead. I
know nothing as to the fate of the less valuable animals. They,
no doubt, like the rest of us, found what they deserved. I did
not inquire. I was then rather excited at the prospect of meeting
Kurtz very soon. When I say very soon I mean it comparatively. It
was just two months from the day we left the creek when we came
to the bank below Kurtz's station.
"Going up that river was like traveling back to the earliest
beginnings of the world, when vegetation rioted on the earth and
the big trees were kings. An empty stream, a great silence, an
impenetrable forest. The air was warm, thick, heavy, sluggish.
There was no joy in the brilliance of sunshine. The long
stretches of the waterway ran on, deserted, into the gloom of
overshadowed distances. On silvery sand-banks hippos and
alligators sunned themselves side by side. The broadening waters
flowed through a mob of wooded islands; you lost your way on that
river as you would in a desert, and butted all day long against
shoals, trying to find the channel, till you thought yourself
bewitched and cut off for ever from everything you had known once--somewhere--far
away--in another existence perhaps. There were moments when one's
past came back to one, as it will sometimes when you have not a
moment to spare for yourself; but it came in the shape of an
unrestful and noisy dream, remembered with wonder amongst the
overwhelming realities of this strange world of plants, and water,
and silence. And this stillness of life did not in the least
resemble a peace. It was the stillness of an implacable force
brooding over an inscrutable intention. It looked at you with a
vengeful aspect. I got used to it afterwards; I did not see it
any more; I had no time. I had to keep guessing at the channel; I
had to discern, mostly by inspiration, the signs of hidden banks;
I watched for sunken stones; I was learning to clap my teeth
smartly before my heart flew out, when I shaved by a fluke some
infernal sly old snag that would have ripped the life out of the
tin-pot steamboat and drowned all the pilgrims; I had to keep a
lookout for the signs of dead wood we could cut up in the night
for next day's steaming. When you have to attend to things of
that sort, to the mere incidents of the surface, the reality--the
reality, I tell you--fades. The inner truth is hidden--luckily,
luckily. But I felt it all the same; I felt often its mysterious
stillness watching me at my monkey tricks, just as it watches you
fellows performing on your respective tight-ropes for--what is it?
half-a-crown a tumble--"
"Try to be civil, Marlow," growled a voice, and I knew
there was at least one listener awake besides myself.
"I beg your pardon. I forgot the heartache which makes up
the rest of the price. And indeed what does the price matter, if
the trick be well done? You do your tricks very well. And I didn't
do badly either, since I managed not to sink that steamboat on my
first trip. It's a wonder to me yet. Imagine a blindfolded man
set to drive a van over a bad road. I sweated and shivered over
that business considerably, I can tell you. After all, for a
seaman, to scrape the bottom of the thing that's supposed to
float all the time under his care is the unpardonable sin. No one
may know of it, but you never forget the thump--eh? A blow on the
very heart. You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at
night and think of it--years after--and go hot and cold all over.
I don't pretend to say that steamboat floated all the time. More
than once she had to wade for a bit, with twenty cannibals
splashing around and pushing. We had enlisted some of these chaps
on the way for a crew. Fine fellows--cannibals--in their place.
They were men one could work with, and I am grateful to them. And,
after all, they did not eat each other before my face: they had
brought along a provision of hippo-meat which went rotten, and
made the mystery of the wilderness stink in my nostrils. Phoo! I
can sniff it now. I had the manager on board and three or four
pilgrims with their staves-- all complete. Sometimes we came upon
a station close by the bank, clinging to the skirts of the
unknown, and the white men rushing out of a tumble-down hovel,
with great gestures of joy and surprise and welcome, seemed very
strange-- had the appearance of being held there captive by a
spell. The word ivory would ring in the air for a while--and on
we went again into the silence, along empty reaches, round the
still bends, between the high walls of our winding way,
reverberating in hollow claps the ponderous beat of the stern-wheel.
Trees, trees, millions of trees, massive, immense, running up
high; and at their foot, hugging the bank against the stream,
crept the little begrimed steamboat, like a sluggish beetle
crawling on the floor of a lofty portico. It made you feel very
small, very lost, and yet it was not altogether depressing, that
feeling. After all, if you were small, the grimy beetle crawled
on--which was just what you wanted it to do. Where the pilgrims
imagined it crawled to I don't know. To some place where they
expected to get something. I bet! For me it crawled towards Kurtz--exclusively;
but when the steam-pipes started leaking we crawled very slow.
The reaches opened before us and closed behind, as if the forest
had stepped leisurely across the water to bar the way for our
return. We penetrated deeper and deeper into the heart of
darkness. It was very quiet there. At night sometimes the roll of
drums behind the curtain of trees would run up the river and
remain sustained faintly, as if hovering in the air high over our
heads, till the first break of day. Whether it meant war, peace,
or prayer we could not tell. The dawns were heralded by the
descent of a chill stillness; the wood-cutters slept, their fires
burned low; the snapping of a twig would make you start. Were
were wanderers on a prehistoric earth, on an earth that wore the
aspect of an unknown planet. We could have fancied ourselves the
first of men taking possession of an accursed inheritance, to be
subdued at the cost of profound anguish and of excessive toil.
But suddenly, as we struggled round a bend, there would be a
glimpse of rush walls, of peaked grass-roofs, a burst of yells, a
whirl of black limbs, a mass of hands clapping. of feet stamping,
of bodies swaying, of eyes rolling, under the droop of heavy and
motionless foliage. The steamer toiled along slowly on the edge
of a black and incomprehensible frenzy. The prehistoric man was
cursing us, praying to us, welcoming us--who could tell? We were
cut off from the comprehension of our surroundings; we glided
past like phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, as sane men
would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse. We could
not understand because we were too far and could not remember
because we were travelling in the night of first ages, of those
ages that are gone, leaving hardly a sign-- and no memories.
"The earth seemed unearthly. We are accustomed to look upon
the shackled form of a conquered monster, but there-- there you
could look at a thing monstrous and free. It was unearthly, and
the men were--No, they were not inhuman. Well, you know, that was
the worst of it--this suspicion of their not being inhuman. It
would come slowly to one. They howled and leaped, and spun, and
made horrid faces; but what thrilled you was just the thought of
their humanity-- like yours--the thought of your remote kinship
with this wild and passionate uproar. Ugly. Yes, it was ugly
enough; but if you were man enough you would admit to yourself
that there ywas in you just the faintest trace of a response to
the terrible frankness of that noise, a dim suspicion of there
being a meaning in it which you--you so remote from the night of
first ages--could comprehend. And why not? The mind of man is
capable of anything--because everything is in it, all the past as
well as all the future. What was there after all? Joy, fear,
sorrow, devotion, valour, rage--who can tell?-- but truth--truth
stripped of its cloak of time. Let the fool gape and shudder--the
man knows, and can look on without a wink. But he must at least
be as much of a man as these on the shore. He must meet that
truth with his own true stuff-- with his own inborn strength.
Principles won't do. Acquisitions, clothes, pretty rags--rags
that would fly off at the first good shake. No; you want a
deliberate belief. An appeal to me in this fiendish row--is there?
Very well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice, too, and for good
or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced. Of course, a
fool, what with sheer fright and fine sentiments, is always safe.
Who's that grunting? You wonder I didn't go ashore for a howl and
a dance? Well, no--I didn't. Fine sentiments, you say? Fine
sentiments, be hanged! I had no time. I had to mess about with
white-lead and strips of woolen blanket helping to put bandages
on those leaky steam-pipes--I tell you. I had to watch the
steering, and circumvent those snags, and get the tin-pot along
by hook or by crook. There was surface-truth enough in these
things to save a wiser man. And between whiles I had to look
after the savage who was fireman. He was an improved specimen; he
could fire up a vertical boiler. He was there below me, and, upon
my word, to look at him was as edifying as seeing a dog in a
parody of breeches and a feather hat, walking on his hind-legs. A
few months of training had done for that really fine chap. He
squinted at the steam-gauge and at the water-gauge with an
evident effort of intrepidity--and he had filed teeth, too, the
poor devil, and the wool of his pate shaved into queer patterns,
and three ornamental scars on each of his cheeks. He ought to
have been clapping his hands and stamping his feet on the bank,
instead of which he was hard at work, a thrall to strange
witchcraft, full of improving knowledge. He was useful because he
had been instructed; and what he knew was this--that should the
water in that transparent thing disappear, the evil spirit inside
the boiler would get angry through the greatness of his thirst,
and take a terrible vengeance. So he sweated and fired up and
watched the glass fearfully (with an impromptu charm, made of
rags, tied to his arm, and a piece of polished bone, as big as a
watch, stuck flatways through his lower lip), while the wooded
banks slipped past us slowly, the short noise was left behind,
the interminable miles of silence--and we crept on, towards Kurtz.
But the snags were thick, the water was treacherous and shallow,
the boiler seemed indeed to have a sulky devil in it, and thus
neither that fireman nor I had any time to peer into our creepy
thoughts.
"Some fifty miles below the Inner Station we came upon a hut
of reeds, an inclined and melancholy pole, with the
unrecognizable tatters of what had been a flag of some sort
flying from it, and a neatly stacked wood-pile. This was
unexpected. We came to the bank, and on the stack of firewood
found a flat piece of board with some faded pencil-writing on it.
When deciphered it said: `Wood for you. Hurry up. Approach
cautiously.' There was a signature, but it was illegible--not
Kurtz--a much longer word. `Hurry up.' Where? Up the river? `Approach
cautiously.' We had not done so. But the warning could not have
been meant for the place where it could be only found after
approach. Something was wrong above. But what--and how much? That
was the question. We commented adversely upon the imbecility of
that telegraphic style. The bush around said nothing, and would
not let us look very far, either. A torn curtain of red twill
hung in the doorway of the hut, and flapped sadly in our faces.
The dwelling was dismantled; but we could see a white man had
lived there not very long ago. There remained a rude table--a
plank on two posts; a heap of rubbish reposed in a dark corner,
and by the door I picked up a book. It had lost its covers, and
the pages had been thumbed into a state of extremely dirty
softness; but the back had been lovingly stitched afresh with
white cotton thread, which looked clean yet. It was an
extraordinary find. Its title was, An Inquiry Into Some Points of
Seamanship, by a man Towser, Towson--some such name--Master in
his Majesty's Navy. The matter looked dreary reading enough, with
illustrative diagrams and repulsive tables of figures, and the
copy was sixty years old. I handled this amazing antiquity with
the greatest possible tenderness, lest it should dissolve in my
hands. Within, Towson or Towser was inquiring earnestly into the
breaking strain of ships' chains and tackle, and other such
matters. Not a very enthralling book; but at the first glance you
could see there a singleness of intention, an honest concern for
the right way of going to work, which made these humble pages,
thought out so many years ago, luminous with another than a
professional light. The simple old sailor, with his talk of
chains and purchases, made me forget the jungle and the pilgrims
in a delicious sensation of having come upon something
unmistakably real. Such a book being there was wonderful enough;
but still more astounding were the notes pencilled in the margin,
and plainly referring to the text. I couldn't believe my eyes!
They were in cipher! Yes, it looked like cipher. Fancy a man
lugging with him a book of that description into this nowhere and
studying it--and making notes--in cipher at that! It was an
extravagant mystery.
"I had been dimly aware for some time of a worrying noise,
and when I lifted my eyes I saw the wood-pile was gone, and the
manager, aided by all the pilgrims, was shouting at me from the
riverside. I slipped the book into my pocket. I assure you to
leave off reading was like tearing myself away from the shelter
of an old and solid friendship.
"I started the lame engine ahead. `It must be this miserable
trader-this intruder,' exclaimed the manager, looking back
malevolently at the place we had left. `He must be English,' I
said. `It will not save him from getting into trouble if he is
not careful,' muttered the manager darkly. I observed with
assumed innocence that no man was safe from trouble in this world.
"The current was more rapid now, the steamer seemed at her
last gasp, the stern-wheel flopped languidly, and I caught myself
listening on tiptoe for the next beat of the boat, for in sober
truth I expected the wretched thing to give up every moment. It
was like watching the last flickers of a life. But still we
crawled. Sometimes I would pick out a tree a little way ahead to
measure our progress towards Kurtz by, but I lost it invariably
before we got abreast. To keep the eyes so long on one thing was
too much for human patience. The manager displayed a beautiful
resignation. I fretted and fumed and took to arguing with myself
whether or no I would talk openly with Kurtz; but before I could
come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my
silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility.
What did it matter what any one knew or ignored? What did it
matter who was manager? One gets sometimes such a flash of
insight. The essentials of this affair lay deep under the surface,
beyond my reach, and beyond my power of meddling.
"Towards the evening of the second day we judged ourselves
about eight miles from Kurtz's station. I wanted to push on; but
the manager looked grave, and told me the navigation up there was
so dangerous that it would be advisable, the sun being very low
already, to wait where we were till next morning. Moreover, he
pointed out that if the warning to approach cautiously were to be
followed, we must approach in daylight-- not at dusk or in the
dark. This was sensible enough. Eight miles meant nearly three
hours' steaming for us, and I could also see suspicious ripples
at the upper end of the reach. Nevertheless, I was annoyed beyond
expression at the delay, and most unreasonably, too, since one
night more could not matter much after so many months. As we had
plenty of wood, and caution was the word, I brought up in the
middle of the stream. The reach was narrow, straight, with high
sides like a railway cutting. The dusk came gliding into it long
before the sun had set. The current ran smooth and swift, but a
dumb immobility sat on the banks. The living trees, lashed
together by the creepers and every living bush of the undergrowth,
might have been changed into stone, even to the slenderest twig,
to the lightest leaf. It was not sleep--it seemed unnatural, like
a state of trance. Not the faintest sound of any kind could be
heard. You looked on amazed, and began to suspect yourself of
being deaf-- then the night came suddenly, and struck you blind
as well. About three in the morning some large fish leaped, and
the loud splash made me jump as though a gun had been fired. When
the sun rose there was a white fog, very warm and clammy, and
more blinding than the night. It did not shift or drive; it was
just there, standing all round you like something solid. At eight
or nine, perhaps, it lifted as a shutter lifts. We had a glimpse
of the towering multitude of trees, of the immense matted jungle,
with the blazing little ball of the sun hanging over it--all
perfectly still--and then the white shutter came down again,
smoothly, as if sliding in greased grooves. I ordered the chain,
which we had begun to heave in, to be paid out again. Before it
stopped running with a muffled rattle, a cry, a very loud cry, as
of infinite desolation, soared slowly in the opaque air. It
ceased. A complaining clamour, modulated in savage discords,
filled our ears. The sheer unexpectedness of it made my hair stir
under my cap. I don't know how it struck the others: to me it
seemed as though the mist itself had screamed, so suddenly, and
apparently from all sides at once, did this tumultuous and
mournful uproar arise. It culminated in a hurried outbreak of
almost intolerably excessive shrieking, which stopped short,
leaving us stiffened in a variety of silly attitudes, and
obstinately listening to the nearly as appalling and excessive
silence. `Good God! What is the meaning--' stammered at my elbow
one of the pilgrims-- a little fat man, with sandy hair and red
whiskers, who wore sidespring boots, and pink pyjamas tucked into
his socks. Two others remained open-mouthed a while minute, then
dashed into the little cabin, to rush out incontinently and stand
darting scared glances, with Winchesters at `ready' in their
hands. What we could see was just the steamer we were on, her
outlines blurred as though she had been on the point of
dissolving, and a misty strip of water, perhaps two feet broad,
around her-- and that was all. The rest of the world was nowhere,
as far as our eyes and ears were concerned. Just nowhere. Gone,
disappeared; swept off without leaving a whisper or a shadow
behind.
"I went forward, and ordered the chain to be hauled in short,
so as to be ready to trip the anchor and move the steamboat at
once if necessary. `Will they attack?' whispered an awed voice. `We
will be all butchered in this fog,' murmured another. The faces
twitched with the strain, the hands trembled slightly, the eyes
forgot to wink. It was very curious to see the contrast of
expressions of the white men and of the black fellows of our crew,
who were as much strangers to that part of the river as we,
though their homes were only eight hundred miles away. The whites,
of course greatly discomposed, had besides a curious look of
being painfully shocked by such an outrageous row. The others had
an alert, naturally interested expression; but their faces were
essentially quiet, even those of the one or two who grinned as
they hauled at the chain. Several exchanged short, grunting
phrases, which seemed to settle the matter to their satisfaction.
Their headman, a young, broad-chested black, severely draped in
dark-blue fringed cloths, with fierce nostrils and his hair all
done up artfully in oily ringlets, stood near me. `Aha!' I said,
just for good fellowship's sake. `Catch 'im,' he snapped, with a
bloodshot widening of his eyes and a flash of sharp teeth--'catch
'im. Give 'im to us.' `To you, eh?' I asked; `what would you do
with them?' `Eat 'im!' he said curtly, and, leaning his elbow on
the rail, looked out into the fog in a dignified and profoundly
pensive attitude. I would no doubt have been properly horrified,
had it not occurred to me that he and his chaps must be very
hungry: that they must have been growing increasingly hungry for
at least this month past. They had been engaged for six months (I
don't think a single one of them had any clear idea of time, as
we at the end of countless ages have. They still belonged to the
beginnings of time--had no inherited experience to teach them as
it were), and of course, as long as there was a piece of paper
written over in accordance with some farcical law or other made
down the river, it didn't enter anybody's head to trouble how
they would live. Certainly they had brought with them some rotten
hippo-meat, which couldn't have lasted very long, anyway, even if
the pilgrims hadn't, in the midst of a shocking hullabaloo,
thrown a considerable quantity of it overboard. It looked like a
high-handed proceeding; but it was really a case of legitimate
self-defence. You can't breathe dead hippo waking, sleeping, and
eating, and at the same time keep your precarious grip on
existence. Besides that, they had given them every week three
pieces of brass wire, each about nine inches long; and the theory
was they were to buy their provisions with that currency in
riverside villages. You can see how that worked. There were
either no villages, or the people were hostile, or the director,
who like the rest of us fed out of tins, with an occasional old
he-goat thrown in, didn't want to stop the steamer for some more
or less recondite reason. So, unless they swallowed the wire
itself, or made loops of it to snare the fishes with, I don't see
what good their extravagant salary could be to them. I must say
it was paid with a regularity worthy of a large and honourable
trading company. For the rest, the only thing to eat--though it
didn't look eatable in the least--I saw in their possession was a
few lumps of some stuff like half-cooked dough, of a dirty
lavender colour, they kept wrapped in leaves, and now and then
swallowed a piece of, but so small that it seemed done more for
the looks of the thing than for any serious purpose of sustenance.
Why in the name of all the gnawing devils of hunger they didn't
go for us--they were thirty to five--and have a good tuck-in for
once, amazes me now when I think of it. They were big powerful
men, with not much capacity to weigh the consequences, with
courage, with strength, even yet, though their skins were no
longer glossy and their muscles no longer hard. And I saw that
something restraining, one of those human secrets that baffle
probability, had come into play there. I looked at them with a
swift quickening of interest-- not because it occurred to me I
might be eaten by them before very long, though I own to you that
just then I perceived-- in a new light, as it were--how
unwholesome the pilgrims looked, and I hoped, yes, I positively
hoped, that my aspect was not so-- what shall I say?--so--unappetizing:
a touch of fantastic vanity which fitted well with the dream-sensation
that pervaded all my days at that time. Perhaps I had a little
fever, too. One can't live with one's finger everlastingly on one's
pulse. I had often 'a little fever,' or a little touch of other
things-- the playful paw-strokes of the wilderness, the
preliminary trifling before the more serious onslaught which came
in due course. Yes; I looked at them as you would on any human
being, with a curiosity of their impulses, motives, capacities,
weaknesses, when brought to the test of an inexorable physical
necessity. Restraint! What possible restraint? Was it
superstition, disgust, patience, fear--or some kind of primitive
honour? No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience can wear it
out, disgust simply does not exist where hunger is; and as to
superstition, beliefs, and what you may call principles, they are
less than chaff in a breeze. Don't you know the devilry of
lingering starvation, its exasperating torment, its black
thoughts, its sombre and brooding ferocity? Well, I do. It takes
a man all his inborn strength to fight hunger properly. It's
really easier to face bereavement, dishonour, and the perdition
of one's soul--than this kind of prolonged hunger. Sad, but true.
And these chaps, too, had no earthly reason for any kind of
scruple. Restraint! I would just as soon have expected restraint
from a hyena prowling amongst the corpses of a battlefield. But
there was the fact facing me--the fact dazzling, to be seen, like
the foam on the depths of the sea, like a ripple on an
unfathomable enigma, a mystery greater--when I thought of it--
than the curious, inexplicable note of desperate grief in this
savage clamour that had swept by us on the river-bank, behind the
blind whiteness of the fog.
"Two pilgrims were quarrelling in hurried whispers as to
which bank. `Left.' "no, no; how can you? Right, right, of
course.' `It is very serious,' said the manager's voice behind me;
`I would be desolated if anything should happen to Mr. Kurtz
before we came up.' I looked at him, and had not the slightest
doubt he was sincere. He was just the kind of man who would wish
to preserve appearances. That was his restraint. But when he
muttered something about going on at once, I did not even take
the trouble to answer him. I knew, and he knew, that it was
impossible. Were we to let go our hold of the bottom, we would be
absolutely in the air--in space. We wouldn't be able to tell
where we were going to--whether up or down stream, or across--till
we fetched against one bank or the other--and then we wouldn't
know at first which it was. Of course I made no move. I had no
mind for a smash-up. You couldn't imagine a more deadly place for
a shipwreck. Whether we drowned at once or not, we were sure to
perish speedily in one way or another. `I authorize you to take
all the risks,' he said, after a short silence. `I refuse to take
any,' I said shortly; which was just the answer he expected,
though its tone might have surprised him. `Well, I must defer to
your judgment. You are captain,' he said with marked civility. I
turned my shoulder to him in sign of my appreciation, and looked
into the fog. How long would it last? It was the most hopeless
lookout. The approach to this Kurtz grubbing for ivory in the
wretched bush was beset by as many dangers as though he had been
an enchanted princess sleeping in a fabulous castle. `Will they
attack, do you think?' asked the manager, in a confidential tone.
"I did not think they would attack, for several obvious
reasons. The thick fog was one. If they left the bank in their
canoes they would get lost in it, as we would be if we attempted
to move. Still, I had also judged the jungle of both banks quite
impenetrable-- and yet eyes were in it, eyes that had seen us.
The riverside bushes were certainly very thick; but the
undergrowth behind was evidently penetrable. However, during the
short lift I had seen no canoes anywhere in the reach--certainly
not abreast of the steamer. But what made the idea of attack
inconceivable to me was the nature of the noise--of the cries we
had heard. They had not the fierce character boding immediate
hostile intention. Unexpected, wild, and violent as they had been,
they had given me an irresistible impression of sorrow. The
glimpse of the steamboat had for some reason filled those savages
with unrestrained grief. The danger, if any, I expounded, was
from our proximity to a great human passion let loose. Even
extreme grief may ultimately vent itself in violence--but more
generally takes the form of apathy. . . .
"You should have seen the pilgrims stare! They had no heart
to grin, or even to revile me: but I believe they thought me gone
mad-- with fright, maybe. I delivered a regular lecture. My dear
boys, it was no good bothering. Keep a lookout? Well, you may
guess I watched the fog for the signs of lifting as a cat watches
a mouse; but for anything else our eyes were of no more use to us
than if we had been buried miles deep in a heap of cotton-wool.
It felt like it, too--choking, warm, stifling. Besides, all I
said, though it sounded extravagant, was absolutely true to fact.
What we afterwards alluded to as an attack was really an attempt
at repulse. The action was very far from being aggressive--it was
not even defensive, in the usual sense: it was undertaken under
the stress of desperation, and in its essence was purely
protective.
"It developed itself, I should say, two hours after the fog
lifted, and its commencement was at a spot, roughly speaking,
about a mile and a half below Kurtz's station. We had just
floundered and flopped round a bend, when I saw an islet, a mere
grassy hummock of bright green, in the middle of the stream. It
was the ony thing of the kind; but as we opened the reach more, I
perceived it was the head of a long sand-bank, or rather of a
chain of shallow patches stretching down the middle of the river.
They were discoloured, just awash, and the whole lot was seen
just under the water, exactly as a man's backbone is seen running
down the middle of his back under the skin. Now, as far as I did
see, I could go to the right or to the left of this. I didn't
know either channel, of course. The banks looked pretty well
alike, the depth appeared the same; but as I had been informed
the station was on the west side, I naturally headed for the
western passage.
"No sooner had we fairly entered it than I became aware it
was much narrower than I had supposed. To the left of us there
was the long uninterrupted shoal, and to the right a high, steep
bank heavily overgrown with bushes. Above the bush the trees
stood in serried ranks. The twigs overhung the current thickly,
and from distance to distance a large limb of some tree projected
rigidly over the stream. It was then well on in the afternoon,
the face of the forest was gloomy, and a broad strip of shadow
had already fallen on the water. In this shadow we steamed up--very
slowly, as you may imagine. I sheered her well inshore--the water
being deepest near the bank, as the sounding-pole informed me.
"One of my hungry and forbearing friends was sounding in the
bows just below me. This steamboat was exactly like a decked scow.
On the deck, there were two little teakwood houses, with doors
and windows. The boiler was in the fore-end, and the machinery
right astern. yOver the whole there was a light roof, supported
on stanchions. The funnel projected through that roof, and in
front of the funnel a small cabin built of light planks served
for a pilot-house. It contained a couch, two camp-stools, a
loaded Martini-Henry leaning in one corner, a tiny table, and the
steering-wheel. It had a wide door in front and a broad shutter
at each side. All these were always thrown open, of course. I
spent my days perched up there on the extreme fore-end of that
roof, before the door. At night I slept, or tried to, on the
couch. An athletic black belonging to some coast tribe and
educated by my poor predecessor, was the helmsman. He sported a
pair of brass earrings, wore a blue cloth wrapper from the waist
to the ankles, and thought all the world of himself. He was the
most unstable kind of fool I had ever seen. He steered with no
end of a swagger while you were by; but if he lost sight of you,
he became instantly the prey of an abject funk, and would let
that cripple of a steamboat get the upper hand of him in a minute.
"I was looking down at the sounding-pole, and feeling much
annoyed to see at each try a little more of it stick out of that
river, when I saw my poleman give up on the business suddenly,
and stretch himself flat on the deck, without even taking the
trouble to haul his pole in. He kept hold on it though, and it
trailed in the water. At the same time the fireman, whom I could
also see below me, sat down abruptly before his furnace and
ducked his head. I was amazed. Then I had to look at the river
mighty quick, because there was a snag in the fairway. Sticks,
little sticks, were flying about--thick: they were whizzing
before my nose, dropping below me, striking behind me against my
pilot-house. All this time the river, the shore, the woods, were
very quiet-- perfectly quiet. I could only hear the heavy
splashing thump of the stern-wheel and the patter of these things.
We cleared the snag clumsily. Arrows, by Jove! We were being shot
at! I stepped in quickly to close the shutter on the landside.
That fool-helmsman, his hands on the spokes, was lifting his
knees high, stamping his feet, champing his mouth, like a reined-in
horse. Confound him! And we were staggering within ten feet of
the bank. I had to lean right out to swing the heavy shutter, and
I saw a face amongst the leaves on the level with my own, looking
at me very fierce and steady; and then suddenly, as though a veil
had been removed from my eyes, I made out, deep in the tangled
gloom, naked breasts, arms, legs, glaring eyes-- the bush was
swarming with human limbs in movement, glistening. of bronze
colour. The twigs shook, swayed, and rustled, the arrows flew out
of them, and then the shutter came to. `Steer her straight,' I
said to the helmsman. He held his head rigid, face forward; but
his eyes rolled, he kept on lifting and setting down his feet
gently, his mouth foamed a little. `Keep quiet!' I said in a fury.
I might just as well have ordered a tree not to sway in the wind.
I darted out. Below me there was a great scuffle of feet on the
iron deck; confused exclamations; a voice screamed, `Can you turn
back?' I caught sight of a V-shaped ripple on the water ahead.
What? Another snag! A fusillade burst out under my feet. The
pilgrims had opened with their Winchesters, and were simply
squirting lead into that bush. A deuce of a lot of smoke came up
and drove slowly forward. I swore at it. Now I couldn't see the
ripple or the snag either. I stood in the doorway, peering, and
the arrows came in swarms. They might have been poisoned, but
they looked as though they wouldn't kill a cat. The bush began to
howl. Our wood-cutters raised a warlike whoop; the report of a
rifle just at my back deafened me. I glanced over my shoulder,
and the pilot-house was yet full of noise and smoke when I made a
dash at the wheel. The fool-nigger had dropped everything, to
throw the shutter open and let off that Martini-Henry. He stood
before the wide opening, glaring, and I yelled at him to come
back, while I straightened the sudden twist out of that steamboat.
There was no room to turn even if I had wanted to, the snag was
somewhere very near ahead in that confounded smoke, there was no
time to lose, so I just crowded her into the bank-- right into
the bank, where I knew the water was deep.
"We tore slowly along the overhanging bushes in a whirl of
broken twigs and flying leaves. The fusillade below stopped short,
as I had foreseen it would when the squirts got empty. I threw my
head back to a glinting whizz that traversed the pilot-house, in
at one shutter-hole and out at the other. Looking past that mad
helmsman, who was shaking the empty rifle and yelling at the
shore, I saw vague forms of men running bent double, leaping,
gliding, distinct, incomplete, evanescent. Something big appeared
in the air before the shutter, the rifle went overboard, and the
man stepped back swiftly, looked at me over his shoulder in an
extraordinary, profound, familiar manner, and fell upon my feet.
The side of his head hit the wheel twice, and the end of what
appeared a long cane clattered round and knocked over a little
camp-stool. It looked as though after wrenching that thing from
somebody ashore he had lost his balance in the effort. The thin
smoke had blown away, we were clear of the snag, and looking
ahead I could see that in another hundred yards or so I would be
free to sheer off, away from the bank; but my feet felt so very
warm and wet that I had to look down. The man had rolled on his
back and stared straight up at me; both his hands clutched that
cane. It was the shaft of a spear that, either thrown or lunged
through the opening, had caught him in the side, just below the
ribs; the blade had gone in out of sight, after making a
frightful gash; my shoes were full; a pool of blood lay very
still, gleaming dark-red under the wheel; his eyes shone with an
amazing lustre. The fusillade burst out again. He looked at me
anxiously, gripping the spear like something precious, with an
air of being afraid I would try to take it away from him. I had
to make an effort to free my eyes from his gaze and attend to the
steering. With one hand I felt above my head for the line of the
steam whistle, and jerked out screech after screech hurriedly.
The tumult of angry and warlike yells was checked instantly, and
then from the depths of the woods went out such a tremulous and
prolonged wail of mournful fear and utter despair as may be
imagined to follow the flight of the last hope from the earth.
There was a great commotion in the bush; the shower of arrows
stopped, a few dropping shots rang out sharply--then silence, in
which the languid beat of the stern-wheel came plainly to my ears.
I put the helm hard a-starboard at the moment when the pilgrim in
pink pyjamas, very hot and agitated, appeared in the doorway. `The
manager sends me--' he began in an official tone, and stopped
short. `Good God!' he said, glaring at the wounded man.
"We two whites stood over him, and his lustrous and
inquiring glance enveloped us both. I declare it looked as though
he would presently put to us some questions in an understandable
language; but he died without uttering a sound, without moving a
limb, without twitching a muscle. Only in the very last moment,
as though in response to some sign we could not see, to some
whisper we could not hear, he frowned heavily, and that frown
gave to his black death-mask an inconeivably sombre, brooding,
and menacing expression. The lustre of inquiring glance faded
swiftly into vacant glassiness. `Can you steer?' I asked the
agent eagerly. He looked very dubious; but I made a grab at his
arm, and he understood at once I meant him to steer whether or no.
To tell you the truth, I was morbidly anxious to change my shoes
and socks. `He is dead,' murmured the fellow, immensely impressed.
`No doubt about it,' said I, tugging like mad at the shoe-laces.
`And by the way, I suppose Mr. Kurtz is dead as well by this time.'
"For the moment that was the dominant thought. There was a
sense of extreme disappointment, as though I had found out I had
been striving after something altogether without a substance. I
couldn't have been more disgusted if I had travelled all this way
for the sole purpose of talking with Mr. Kurtz. Talking with . .
. I flung one shoe overboard, and became aware that that was
exactly what I had been looking forward to-- a talk with Kurtz. I
made the strange discovery that I had never imagined him as doing,
you know, but as discoursing. I didn't say to myself, `Now I will
never see him,' or `Now I will never shake him by the hand,' but,
`Now I will never hear him.' The man presented himself as a voice.
Not of course that I did not connect him with some sort of action.
Hadn't I been told in all the tones of jealousy and admiration
that he had collected, bartered, swindled, or stolen more ivory
than all the other agents together? That was not the point. The
point was in his being a gifted creature, and that of all his
gifts the one that stood out preeminently, that carried with it a
sense of real presence, was his ability to talk, his words-- the
gift of expression, the bewildering, the illuminating, the most
exalted and the most contemptible, the pulsating stream of light,
or the deceitful flow from the heart of an impenetrable darkness.
"The other shoe went flying unto the devil-god of that river.
I thought, `By Jove! it's all over. We are too late; he has
vanished-- the gift has vanished, by means of some spear, arrow,
or club. I will never hear that chap speak after all'--and my
sorrow had a startling extravagance of emotion, even such as I
had noticed in the howling sorrow of these savages in the bush. I
couldn't have felt more of lonely desolation somehow, had I been
robbed of a belief or had missed my destiny in life. . . . Why do
you sigh in this beastly way, somebody? Absurd? Well, absurd.
Good Lord! mustn't a man ever--Here, give me some tobacco."
. . .
There was a pause of profound stillness, then a match flared, and
Marlow's lean face appeared, worn, hollow, with downward folds
and dropped eyelids, with an aspect of concentrated attention;
and as he took vigorous draws at his pipe, it seemed to retreat
and advance out of the night in the regular flicker of tiny flame.
The match went out.
"Absurd!" he cried. "This is the worst of trying
to tell. . . . Here you all are, each moored with two good
addresses, like a hulk with two anchors, a butcher round one
corner, a policeman round another, excellent appetites, and
temperature normal--you hear--normal from year's end to year's
end. And you say, Absurd! Absurd be--exploded! Absurd! My dear
boys, what can you expect from a man who out of sheer nervousness
had just flung overboard a pair of new shoes! Now I think of it,
it is amazing I did not shed tears. I am, upon the whole, proud
of my fortitude. I was cut to the quick at the idea of having
lost the inestimable privilege of listening to the gifted Kurtz.
Of course I was wrong. The privilege was waiting for me. Oh, yes,
I heard more than enough. And I was right, too. A voice. He was
very little more than a voice. And I heard--him--it--this voice--other
voices--all of them were so little more than voices--and the
memory of that time itself lingers around me, impalpable, like a
dying vibration of one immense jabber, silly, atrocious, sordid,
savage, or simply mean, without any kind of sense. Voices, voices--even
the girl herself--now--"
He was silent for a long time.
"I laid the ghost of his gifts at last with a lie," he
began, suddenly. "Girl! What? Did I mention a girl? Oh, she
is out of it--completely. They--the women, I mean-- are out of it--should
be out of it. We must help them to stay in that beautiful world
of their own, lest ours gets worse. Oh, she had to be out of it.
You should have heard the disinterred body of Mr. Kurtz saying, `My
Intended.' You would have perceived directly then how completely
she was out of it. And the lofty frontal bone of Mr. Kurtz! They
say the hair goes on growing sometimes, but this-- ah--specimen,
was impressively bald. The wilderness had patted him on the head,
and, behold, it was like a ball-- an ivory ball; it had caressed
him, and--lo!--he had withered; it had taken him, loved him,
embraced him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed
his soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies of some
devilish initiation. He was its spoiled and pampered favourite.
Ivory? I should think so. Heaps of it, stacks of it. The old mud
shanty was bursting with it. You would think there was not a
single tusk left either above or below the ground in the whole
country. `Mostly fossil,' the manager had remarked, disparagingly.
It was no more fossil than I am; but they call it fossil when it
is dug up. It appears these niggers do bury the tusks sometimes--
but evidently they couldn't bury this parcel deep enough to save
the gifted Mr. Kurtz from his fate. We filled the steamboat with
it, and had to pile a lot on the deck. Thus he could see and
enjoy as long as he could see, because the appreciation of this
favour had remained with him to the last. You should have heard
him say, `My ivory.' Oh, yes, I heard him. `My Intended, my ivory,
my station, my river, my--' everything belonged to him. It made
me hold my breath in expectation of hearing the wilderness burst
into a prodigious peal of laughter that would shake the fixed
stars in their places. Everything belonged to him-- but that was
a trifle. The thing was to know what he belonged to, how many
powers of darkness claimed him for their own. That was the
reflection that made you creepy all over. It was impossible--it
was not good for one either--trying to imagine. He had taken a
high seat amongst the devils of the land-- I mean literally. You
can't understand. How could you?-- with solid pavement under your
feet, surrounded by kind neighbours ready to cheer you or to fall
on you, stepping delicately between the butcher and the policeman,
in the holy terror of scandal and gallows and lunatic asylums--how
can you imagine what particular region of the first ages a man's
untrammelled feet may take him into by the way of solitude--utter
solitude without a policeman-- by the way of silence--utter
silence, where no warning voice of a kind neighbour can be heard
whispering of public opinion? These little things make all the
great difference. When they are gone you must fall back upon your
own innate strength, upon your own capacity for faithfulness. Of
course you may be too much of a fool to go wrong-- too dull even
to know you are being assaulted by the powers of darkness. I take
it, no fool ever made a bargain for his soul with the devil; the
fool is too much of a fool, or the devil too much of a devil--I
don't know which. Or you may be such a thunderingly exalted
creature as to be altogether deaf and blind to anything but
heavenly sights and sounds. Then the earth for you is only a
standing place--and whether to be like this is your loss or your
gain I won't pretend to say. But most of us are neither one nor
the other. The earth for us is a place to live in, where we must
put up with sights, with sounds, with smells, too, by Jove!--breathe
dead hippo, so to speak, and not be contaminated. And there, don't
you see? Your strength comes in, the faith in your ability for
the digging of unostentatious holes to bury the stuff in-- your
power of devotion, not to yourself, but to an obscure, back-breaking
business. And that's difficult enough. Mind, I am not trying to
excuse or even explain--I am trying to account to myself for--for--Mr.
Kurtz--for the shade of Mr. Kurtz. This initiated wraith from the
back of Nowhere honoured me with its amazing confidence before it
vanished altogether. This was because it could speak English to
me. The original Kurtz had been educated partly in England, and--as
he was good enough to say himself--his sympathies were in the
right place. His mother was half-English, his father was half-French.
All Europe contributed to the making of Kurtz; and by and by I
learned that, most appropriately, the International Society for
the Suppression of Savage Customs had intrusted him with the
making of a report, for its future guidance. And he had written
it, too. I've seen it. I've read it. It was eloquent, vibrating
with eloquence, but too high-strung, I think. Seventeen pages of
close writing he had found time for! But this must have been
before his--let us say--nerves, went wrong, and caused him to
preside at certain midnight dances ending with unspeakable rites,
which--as far as I reluctantly gathered from what I heard at
various times--were offered up to him-- do you understand?--to Mr.
Kurtz himself. But it was a beautiful piece of writing. The
opening paragraph, however, in the light of later information,
strikes me now as ominous. He began with the argument that we
whites, from the point of development we had arrived at, `must
necessarily appear to them [savages] in the nature of
supernatural beings-- we approach them with the might of a deity,'
and so on, and so on. `By the simple exercise of our will we can
exert a power for good practically unbounded,' etc., etc. From
that point he soared and took me with him. The peroration was
magnificent, though difficult to remember, you know. It gave me
the notion of an exotic Immensity ruled by an august Benevolence.
It made me tingle with enthusiasm. This was the unbounded power
of eloquence--of words--of burning noble words. There were no
practical hints to interrupt the magic current of phrases, unless
a kind of note at the foot of the last page, scrawled evidently
much later, in an unsteady hand, may be regarded as the
exposition of a method. It was very simple, and at the end of
that moving appeal to every altruistic sentiment it blazed at you,
luminous and terrifying, like a flash of lightning in a serene
sky: `Exterminate all the brutes!' The curious part was that he
had apparently forgotten all about that valuable postscriptum,
because, later on, when he in a sense came to himself, he
repeatedly entreated me to take good care of `my pamphlet' (he
called it), as it was sure to have in the future a good influence
upon his career. I had full information about all these things,
and, besides, as it turned out, I was to have the care of his
memory. I've done enough for it to give me the indisputable right
to lay it, if I choose, for an everlasting rest in the dust-bin
of progress, amongst all the sweepings and, figuratively speaking,
all the dead cats of civilization. But then, you see, I can't
choose. He won't be forgotten. Whatever he was, he was not common.
He had the power to charm or frighten rudimentary souls into an
aggravated witch-dance in his honour; he could also fill the
small souls of the pilgrims with bitter misgivings: he had one
devoted friend at least, and he had conquered one soul in the
world that was neither rudimentary nor tainted with self-seeking.
No; I can't forget him, though I am not prepared to affirm the
fellow was exactly worth the life we lost in getting to him. I
missed my late helmsman awfully-- I missed him even while his
body was still lying in the pilot-house. Perhaps you will think
it passing strange this regret for a savage who was no more
account than a grain of sand in a black Sahara. Well, don't you
see, he had done something, he had steered; for months I had him
at my back-- a help--an instrument. It was a kind of partnership.
He steered for me--I had to look after him, I worried about his
deficiencies, and thus a subtle bond had been created, of which I
only became aware when it was suddenly broken. And the intimate
profundity of that look he gave me when he received his hurt
remains to this day in my memory-- like a claim of distant
kinship affirmed in a supreme moment.
"Poor fool! If he had only left that shutter alone. He had
no restraint, no restraint--just like Kurtz--a tree swayed by the
wind. As soon as I had put on a dry pair of slippers, I dragged
him out, after first jerking the spear out of his side, which
operation I confess I performed with my eyes shut tight. His
heels leaped together over the little doorstep; his shoulders
were pressed to my breast; I hugged him from behind desperately.
Oh! he was heavy, heavy; heavier than any man on earth, I should
imagine. Then without more ado I tipped him overboard. The
current snatched him as though he had been a wisp of grass, and I
saw the body roll over twice before I lost sight of it for ever.
All the pilgrims and the manager were then congregated on the
awning-deck about the pilot-house, chattering at each other like
a flock of excited magpies, and there was a scandalized murmur at
my heartless promptitude. What they wanted to keep that body
hanging about for I can't guess. Embalm it, maybe. But I had also
heard another, and a very ominous, murmur on the deck below. My
friends the wood-cutters were likewise scandalized, and with a
better show of reason-- though I admit that the reason itself was
quite inadmissible. Oh, quite! I had made up my mind that if my
late helmsman was to be eaten, the fishes alone should have him.
He had been a very second-rate helmsman while alive, but now he
was dead he might have become a first-class temptation, and
possibly cause some startling trouble. Besides, I was anxious to
take the wheel, the man in pink pyjamas showing himself a
hopeless duffer at the business.
"This I did directly the simple funeral was over. We were
going half-speed, keeping right in the middle of the stream, and
I listened to the talk about me. They had given up Kurtz, they
had given up the station; Kurtz was dead, and the station had
been burnt--and so on--and so on. The red-haired pilgrim was
beside himself with the thought that at least this poor Kurtz had
been properly avenged. `Say! We must have made a glorious
slaughter of them in the bush. Eh? What do you think? Say?' He
positively danced, the bloodthirsty little gingery beggar. And he
had nearly fainted when he saw the wounded man! I could not help
saying, `You made a glorious lot of smoke, anyhow.' I had seen,
from the way the tops of the bushes rustled and flew, that almost
all the shots had gone too high. You can't hit anything unless
you take aim and fire from the shoulder; but these chaps fired
from the hip with their eyes shut. The retreat, I maintained--and
I was right--was caused by the screeching of the steam whistle.
Upon this they forgot Kurtz, and began to howl at me with
indignant protests.
"The manager stood by the wheel murmuring confidentially
about the necessity of getting well away down the river before
dark at all events, when I saw in the distance a clearing on the
riverside and the outlines of some sort of building. `What's this?'
I asked. He clapped his hands in wonder. `The station!' he cried.
I edged in at once, still going half-speed.
"Through my glasses I saw the slope of a hill interspersed
with rare trees and perfectly free from undergrowth. A long
decaying building on the summit was half buried in the high grass;
the large holes in the peaked roof gaped black from afar; the
jungle and the woods made a background. There was no enclosure or
fence of any kind; but there had been one apparently, for near
the house half-a-dozen slim posts remained in a row, roughly
trimmed, and with their upper ends ornamented with round carved
balls. The rails, or whatever there had been between, had
disappeared. Of course the forest surrounded all that. The river-bank
was clear, and on the waterside I saw a white man under a hat
like a cart-wheel beckoning persistently with his whole arm.
Examining the edge of the forest above and below, I was almost
certain I could see movements--human forms gliding here and there.
I steamed past prudently, then stopped the engines and let her
drift down. The man on the shore began to shout, urging us to
land. `We have been attacked,' screamed the manager. `I know--I
know. It's all right,' yelled back the other, as cheerful as you
please. `Come along. It's all right. I am glad.'
"His aspect reminded me of something I had seen--something
funny I had seen somewhere. As I manoeuvred to get alongside, I
was asking myself, `What does this fellow look like?' Suddenly I
got it. He looked like a harlequin. His clothes had been made of
some stuff that was brown holland probably, but it was covered
with patches all over, with bright patches, blue, red, and yellow--patches
on the back, patches on the front, patches on elbows, on knees;
coloured binding around his jacket, scarlet edging at the bottom
of his trousers; and the sunshine made him look extremely gay and
wonderfully neat withal, because you could see how beautifully
all this patching had been done. A beardless, boyish face, very
fair, no features to speak of, nose peeling, little blue eyes,
smiles and frowns chasing each other over that open countenance
like sunshine and shadow on a wind-swept plain. `Look out,
captain!' he cried; `there's a snag lodged in here last night.'
What! Another snag? I confess I swore shamefully. I had nearly
holed my cripple, to finish off that charming trip. The harlequin
on the bank turned his little pug-nose up to me. `You English?'
he asked, all smiles. `Are you?' I shouted from the wheel. The
smiles vanished, and he shook his head as if sorry for my
disappointment. Then he brightened up. `Never mind!' he cried
encouragingly. `Are we in time?' I asked. `He is up there,' he
replied, with a toss of the head up the hill, and becoming gloomy
all of a sudden. His face was like the autumn sky, overcast one
moment and bright the next.
"When the manager, escorted by the pilgrims, all of them
armed to the teeth, had gone to the house this chap came on board.
`I say, I don't like this. These natives are in the bush,' I said.
He assured me earnestly it was all right. `They are simple people,'
he added; `well, I am glad you came. It took me all my time to
keep them off.' `But you said it was all right,' I cried. `Oh,
they meant no harm,' he said; and as I stared he corrected
himself, `Not exactly.' Then vivaciously, `My faith, your pilot-house
wants a clean-up!' In the next breath he advised me to keep
enough steam on the boiler to blow the whistle in case of any
trouble. `One good screech will do more for you than all your
rifles. They are simple people,' he repeated. He rattled away at
such a rate he quite overwhelmed me. He seemed to be trying to
make up for lots of silence, and actually hinted, laughing, that
such was the case. `Don't you talk with Mr. Kurtz?' I said. `You
don't talk with that man--you listen to him,' he exclaimed with
severe exaltation. `But now--' He waved his arm, and in the
twinkling of an eye was in the uttermost depths of despondency.
In a moment he came up again with a jump, possessed himself of
both my hands, shook them continuously, while he gabbled: `Brother
sailor . . . honour . . . pleasure . . . delight . . . introduce
myself . . . Russian . . . son of an arch-priest . . . Government
of Tambov . . . What? Tobacco! English tobacco; the excellent
English tobacco! Now, that's brotherly. Smoke? Where's a sailor
that does not smoke?"
"The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out he had run
away from school, had gone to sea in a Russian ship; ran away
again; served some time in English ships; was now reconciled with
the arch-priest. He made a point of that. `But when one is young
one must see things, gather experience, ideas; enlarge the mind.'
`Here!' I interrupted. `You can never tell! Here I met Mr. Kurtz,'
he said, youthfully solemn and reproachful. I held my tongue
after that. It appears he had persuaded a Dutch trading-house on
the coast to fit him out with stores and goods, and had started
for the interior with a light heart and no more idea of what
would happen to him than a baby. He had been wandering about that
river for nearly two years alone, cut off from everybody and
everything. `I am not so young as I look. I am twenty-five,' he
said. `At first old Van Shuyten would tell me to go to the devil,'
he narrated with keen enjoyment; `but I stuck to him, and talked
and talked, till at last he got afraid I would talk the hind-leg
off his favourite dog, so he gave me some cheap things and a few
guns, and told me he hoped he would never see my face again. Good
old Dutchman, Van Shuyten. I've sent him one small lot of ivory a
year ago, so that he can't call me a little thief when I get back.
I hope he got it. And for the rest I don't care. I had some wood
stacked for you. That was my old house. Did you see?'
"I gave him Towson's book. He made as though he would kiss
me, but restrained himself. `The only book I had left, and I
thought I had lost it,' he said, looking at it ecstatically. `So
many accidents happen to a man going about alone, you know.
Canoes get upset sometimes--and sometimes you've got to clear out
so quick when the people get angry.' He thumbed the pages. `You
made notes in Russian?' I asked. He nodded. `I thought they were
written in cipher,' I said. He laughed, then became serious. `I
had lots of trouble to keep these people off,' he said. `Did they
want to kill you?' I asked. `Oh, no!' he cried, and checked
himself. `Why did they attack us?' I pursued. He hesitated, then
said shamefacedly, `They don't want him to go.' `Don't they?' I
said curiously. He nodded a nod full of mystery and wisdom. `I
tell you,' he cried, `this man has enlarged my mind.' He opened
his arms wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes that were
perfectly round."
part three
"I looked at him, lost in astonishment.
There he was before me, in motley, as though he had absconded
from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. His very
existence was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether
bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It was inconceivable
how he had existed, how he had succeeded in getting so far, how
he had managed to remain-- why he did not instantly disappear. `I
went a little farther,' he said, `then still a little farther--till
I had gone so far that I don't know how I'll ever get back. Never
mind. Plenty time. I can manage. You take Kurtz away quick--quick--I
tell you.' The glamour of youth enveloped his parti-coloured rags,
his destitution, his loneliness, the essential desolation of his
futile wanderings. For months--for years--his life hadn't been
worth a day's purchase; and there he was gallantly, thoughtlessly
alive, to all appearances indestructible solely by the virtue of
his few years and of his unreflecting audacity. I was seduced
into something like admiration-- like envy. Glamour urged him on,
glamour kept him unscathed. He surely wanted nothing from the
wilderness but space to breathe in and to push on through. His
need was to exist, and to move onwards at the greatest possible
risk, and with a maximum of privation. If the absolutely pure,
uncalculating, unpractical spirit of adventure had ever ruled a
human being, it ruled this bepatched youth. I almost envied him
the possession of this modest and clear flame. It seemed to have
consumed all thought of self so completely, that even while he
was talking to you, you forgot that it was he-- the man before
your eyes--who had gone through these things. I did not envy him
his devotion to Kurtz, though. He had not meditated over it. It
came to him, and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I
must say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous thing in
every way he had come upon so far.
"They had come together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed
near each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. I suppose Kurtz
wanted an audience, because on a certain occasion, when encamped
in the forest, they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz
had talked. `We talked of everything,' he said, quite transported
at the recollection. `I forgot there was such a thing as sleep.
The night did not seem to last an hour. Everything! Everything! .
. . Of love, too.' `Ah, he talked to you of love!' I said, much
amused. `It isn't what you think,' he cried, almost passionately.
`It was in general. He made me see things--things.'
"He threw his arms up. We were on deck at the time, and the
headman of my wood-cutters, lounging near by, turned upon him his
heavy and glittering eyes. I looked around, and I don't know why,
but I assure you that never, never before, did this land, this
river, this jungle, the very arch of this blazing sky, appear to
me so hopeless and so dark, so impenetrable to human thought, so
pitiless to human weakness. `And, ever since, you have been with
him, of course?' I said.
"On the contrary. It appears their intercourse had been very
much broken by various causes. He had, as he informed me proudly,
managed to nurse Kurtz through two illnesses (he alluded to it as
you would to some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered alone,
far in the depths of the forest. `Very often coming to this
station, I had to wait days and days before he would turn up,' he
said. `Ah, it was worth waiting for!--sometimes.' `What was he
doing? exploring or what?' I asked. `Oh, yes, of course'; he had
discovered lots of villages, a lake, too--he did not know exactly
in what direction; it was dangerous to inquire too much--but
mostly his expeditions had been for ivory. `But he had no goods
to trade with by that time,' I objected. `There's a good lot of
cartridges left even yet,' he answered, looking away. `To speak
plainly, he raided the country,' I said. He nodded. `Not alone,
surely!' He muttered something about the villages round that lake.
`Kurtz got the tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He
fidgeted a little. `They adored him,' he said. The tone of these
words was so extraordinary that I looked at him searchingly. It
was curious to see his mingled eagerness and reluctance to speak
of Kurtz. The man filled his life, occupied his thoughts, swayed
his emotions. `What can you expect?' he burst out; `he came to
them with thunder and lightning, you know-- and they had never
seen anything like it--and very terrible. He could be very
terrible. You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you would an ordinary man.
No, no, no! Now--just to give you an idea-- I don't mind telling
you, he wanted to shoot me, too, one day-- but I don't judge him.'
`Shoot you!' I cried `What for?' `Well, I had a small lot of
ivory the chief of that village near my house gave me. You see I
used to shoot game for them. Well, he wanted it, and wouldn't
hear reason. He declared he would shoot me unless I gave him the
ivory and then cleared out of the country, because he could do so,
and had a fancy for it, and there was nothing on earth to prevent
him killing whom he jolly well pleased. And it was true, too. I
gave him the ivory. What did I care! But I didn't clear out. No,
no. I couldn't leave him. I had to be careful, of course, till we
got friendly again for a time. He had his second illness then.
Afterwards I had to keep out of the way; but I didn't mind. He
was living for the most part in those villages on the lake. When
he came down to the river, sometimes he would take to me, and
sometimes it was better for me to be careful. This man suffered
too much. He hated all this, and somehow he couldn't get away.
When I had a chance I begged him to try and leave while there was
time; I offered to go back with him. And he would say yes, and
then he would remain; go off on another ivory hunt; disappear for
weeks; forget himself amongst these people-- forget himself--you
know.' `Why! he's mad,' I said. He protested indignantly. Mr.
Kurtz couldn't be mad. If I had heard him talk, only two days ago,
I wouldn't dare hint at such a thing. . . . I had taken up my
binoculars while we talked, and was looking at the shore,
sweeping the limit of the forest at each side and at the back of
the house. The consciousness of there being people in that bush,
so silent, so quiet--as silent and quiet as the ruined house on
the hill-- made me uneasy. There was no sign on the face of
nature of this amazing tale that was not so much told as
suggested to me in desolate exclamations, completed by shrugs, in
interrupted phrases, in hints ending in deep sighs. The woods
were unmoved, like a mask--heavy, like the closed door of a
prison--they looked with their air of hidden knowledge, of
patient expectation, of unapproachable silence. The Russian was
explaining to me that it was only lately that Mr. Kurtz had come
down to the river, bringing along with him all the fighting men
of that lake tribe. He had been absent for several months--getting
himself adored, I suppose-- and had come down unexpectedly, with
the intention to all appearance of making a raid either across
the river or down stream. Evidently the appetite for more ivory
had got the better of the-- what shall I say?--less material
aspirations. However he had got much worse suddenly. `I heard he
was lying helpless, and so I came up--took my chance,' said the
Russian. `Oh, he is bad, very bad.' I directed my glass to the
house. There were no signs of life, but there was the ruined roof,
the long mud wall peeping above the grass, with three little
square window-holes, no two of the same size; all this brought
within reach of my hand, as it were. And then I made a brusque
movement, and one of the remaining posts of that vanished fence
leaped up in the field of my glass. You remember I told you I had
been struck at the distance by certain attempts at ornamentation,
rather remarkable in the ruinous aspect of the place. Now I had
suddenly a nearer view, and its first result was to make me throw
my head back as if before a blow. Then I went carefully from post
to post with my glass, and I saw my mistake. These round knobs
were not ornamental but symbolic; they were expressive and
puzzling, striking and disturbing-- food for thought and also for
vultures if there had been any looking down from the sky; but at
all events for such ants as were industrious enough to ascend the
pole. They would have been even more impressive, those heads on
the stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. Only
one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. I was not so
shocked as you may think. The start back I had given was really
nothing but a movement of surprise. I had expected to see a knob
of wood there, you know. I returned deliberately to the first I
had seen--and there it was, black, dried, sunken, with closed
eyelids--a head that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole, and,
with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white line of the
teeth, was smiling, too, smiling continuously at some endless and
jocose dream of that eternal slumber.
"I am not disclosing any trade secrets. In fact, the manager
said afterwards that Mr. Kurtz's methods had ruined the district.
I have no opinion on that point, but I want you clearly to
understand that there was nothing exactly profitable in these
heads being there. They only showed that Mr. Kurtz lacked
restraint in the gratification of his various lusts, that there
was something wanting in him-- some small matter which, when the
pressing need arose, could not be found under his magnificent
eloquence. Whether he knew of this deficiency himself I can't say.
I think the knowledge came to him at last--only at the very last.
But the wilderness had found him out early, and had taken on him
a terrible vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think it had
whispered to him things about himself which he did not know,
things of which he had no conception till he took counsel with
this great solitude--and the whisper had proved irresistibly
fascinating. It echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at
the core. . . . I put down the glass, and the head that had
appeared near enough to be spoken to seemed at once to have
leaped away from me into inaccessible distance.
"The admirer of Mr. Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In a
hurried, indistinct voice he began to assure me he had not dared
to take these--say, symbols--down. He was not afraid of the
natives; they would not stir till Mr. Kurtz gave the word. His
ascendancy was extraordinary. The camps of these people
surrounded the place, and the chiefs came every day to see him.
They would crawl. . . . `I don't want to know anything of the
ceremonies used when approaching Mr. Kurtz,' I shouted. Curious,
this feeling that came over me that such details would be more
intolerable than those heads drying on the stakes under Mr. Kurtz's
windows. After all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed
at one bound to have been transported into some lightless region
of subtle horrors, where pure, uncomplicated savagery was a
positive relief, being something that had a right to exist--obviously--in
the sunshine. The young man looked at me with surprise. I suppose
it did not occur to him that Mr. Kurtz was no idol of mine. He
forgot I hadn't heard any of these splendid monologues on, what
was it? on love, justice, conduct of life--or what not. If it had
come to crawling before Mr. Kurtz, he crawled as much as the
veriest savage of them all. I had no idea of the conditions, he
said: these heads were the heads of rebels. I shocked him
excessively by laughing. Rebels! What would be the next
definition I was to hear? There had been enemies, criminals,
workers--and these were rebels. Those rebellious heads looked
very subdued to me on their sticks. `You don't know how such a
life tries a man like Kurtz,' cried Kurtz's last disciple. `Well,
and you?' I said. `I! I! I am a simple man. I have no great
thoughts. I want nothing from anybody. How can you compare me to
. . . ?' His feelings were too much for speech, and suddenly he
broke down. `I don't understand,' he groaned. `I've been doing my
best to keep him alive, and that's enough. I had no hand in all
this. I have no abilities. There hasn't been a drop of medicine
or a mouthful of invalid food for months here. He was shamefully
abandoned. A man like this, with such ideas. Shamefully!
Shamefully! I--I-- haven't slept for the last ten nights . . .'
"His voice lost itself in the calm of the evening. The long
shadows of the forest had slipped downhill while we talked, had
gone far beyond the ruined hovel, beyond the symbolic row of
stakes. All this was in the gloom, while we down there were yet
in the sunshine, and the stretch of the river abreast of the
clearing glittered in a still and dazzling splendour, with a
murky and overshadowed bend above and below. Not a living soul
was seen on the shore. The bushes did not rustle.
"Suddenly round the corner of the house a group of men
appeared, as though they had come up from the ground. They waded
waist-deep in the grass, in a compact body, bearing an improvised
stretcher in their midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the
landscape, a cry arose whose shrillness pierced the still air
like a sharp arrow flying straight to the very heart of the land;
and, as if by enchantment, streams of human beings--of naked
human beings--with spears in their hands, with bows, with shields,
with wild glances and savage movements, were poured into the
clearing by the dark-faced and pensive forest. The bushes shook,
the grass swayed for a time, and then everything stood still in
attentive immobility.
"`Now, if he does not say the right thing to them we are all
done for,' said the Russian at my elbow. The knot of men with the
stretcher had stopped, too, halfway to the steamer, as if
petrified. I saw the man on the stretcher sit up, lank and with
an uplifted arm, above the shoulders of the bearers. `Let us hope
that the man who can talk so well of love in general will find
some particular reason to spare us this time,' I said. I resented
bitterly the absurd danger of our situation, as if to be at the
mercy of that atrocious phantom had been a dishonouring necessity.
I could not hear a sound, but through my glasses I saw the thin
arm extended commandingly, the lower jaw moving, the eyes of that
apparition shining darkly far in its bony head that nodded with
grotesque jerks. Kurtz--Kurtz--that means short in German--don't
it? Well, the name was as true as everything else in his life--
and death. He looked at least seven feet long. His covering had
fallen off, and his body emerged from it pitiful and appalling as
from a winding-sheet. I could see the cage of his ribs all astir,
the bones of his arm waving. It was as though an animated image
of death carved out of old ivory had been shaking its hand with
menaces at a motionless crowd of men made of dark and glittering
bronze. I saw him open his mouth wide--it gave him a weirdly
voracious aspect, as though he had wanted to swallow all the air,
all the earth, all the men before him. A deep voice reached me
faintly. He must have been shouting. He fell back suddenly. The
stretcher shook as the bearers staggered forward again, and
almost at the same time I noticed that the crowd of savages was
vanishing without any perceptible movement of retreat, as if the
forest that had ejected these beings so suddenly had drawn them
in again as the breath is drawn in a long aspiration.
"Some of the pilgrims behind the stretcher carried his arms--
two shot-guns, a heavy rifle, and a light revolver-carbine-- the
thunderbolts of that pitiful Jupiter. The manager bent over him
murmuring as he walked beside his head. They laid him down in one
of the little cabins--just a room for a bed place and a camp-stool
or two, you know. We had brought his belated correspondence, and
a lot of torn envelopes and open letters littered his bed. His
hand roamed feebly amongst these papers. I was struck by the fire
of his eyes and the composed languor of his expression. It was
not so much the exhaustion of disease. He did not seem in pain.
This shadow looked satiated and calm, as though for the moment it
had had its fill of all the emotions.
"He rustled one of the letters, and looking straight in my
face said, `I am glad.' Somebody had been writing to him about me.
These special recommendations were turning up again. The volume
of tone he emitted without effort, almost without the trouble of
moving his lips, amazed me. A voice! a voice! It was grave,
profound, vibrating, while the man did not seem capable of a
whisper. However, he had enough strength in him-- factitious no
doubt--to very nearly make an end of us, as you shall hear
directly.
"The manager appeared silently in the doorway; I stepped out
at once and he drew the curtain after me. The Russian, eyed
curiously by the pilgrims, was staring at the shore. I followed
the direction of his glance.
"Dark human shapes could be made out in the distance,
flitting indistinctly against the gloomy border of the forest,
and near the river two bronze figures, leaning on tall spears,
stood in the sunlight under fantastic head-dresses of spotted
skins, warlike and still in statuesque repose. And from right to
left along the lighted shore moved a wild and gorgeous apparition
of a woman.
"She walked with measured steps, draped in striped and
fringed cloths, treading the earth proudly, with a slight jingle
and flash of barbarous ornaments. She carried her head high; her
hair was done in the shape of a helmet; she had brass leggings to
the knee, brass wire gauntlets to the elbow, a crimson spot on
her tawny cheek, innumerable necklaces of glass beads on her neck;
bizarre things, charms, gifts of witch-men, that hung about her,
glittered and trembled at every step. She must have had the value
of several elephant tusks upon her. She was savage and superb,
wild-eyed and magnificent; there was something ominous and
stately in her deliberate progress. And in the hush that had
fallen suddenly upon the whole sorrowful land, the immense
wilderness, the colossal body of the fecund and mysterious life
seemed to look at her, pensive, as though it had been looking at
the image of its own tenebrous and passionate soul.
"She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced us.
Her long shadow fell to the water's edge. Her face had a tragic
and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of dumb pain mingled with
the fear of some struggling, half-shaped resolve. She stood
looking at us without a stir, and like the wilderness itself,
with an air of brooding over an inscrutable purpose. A whole
minute passed, and then she made a step forward. There was a low
jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of fringed draperies, and
she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The young fellow by
my side growled. The pilgrims murmured at my back. She looked at
us all as if her life had depended upon the unswerving steadiness
of her glance. Suddenly she opened her bared arms and0threw them
up rigid above her head, as though in an uncontrollable desire to
touch the sky, and at the same time the swift shadows darted out
on the earth, swept around on the river, gathering the steamer
into a shadowy embrace. A formidable silence hung over the scene.
"She turned away slowly, walked on, following the bank, and
passed into the bushes to the left. Once only her eyes gleamed
back at us in the dusk of the thickets before she disappeared.
"`If she had offered to come aboard I really think I would
have tried to shoot her,' said the man of patches, nervously. `I
have been risking my life every day for the last fortnight to
keep her out of the house. She got in one day and kicked up a row
about those miserable rags I picked up in the storeroom to mend
my clothes with. I wasn't decent. At least it must have been that,
for she talked like a fury to Kurtz for an hour, pointing at me
now and then. I don't understand the dialect of this tribe.
Luckily for me, I fancy Kurtz felt too ill that day to care, or
there would have been mischief. I don't understand. . . . No--it's
too much for me. Ah, well, it's all over now.'
"At this moment I heard Kurtz's deep voice behind the
curtain: `Save me!--save the ivory, you mean. Don't tell me. Save
me! Why, I've had to save you. You are interrupting my plans now.
Sick! Sick! Not so sick as you would like to believe. Never mind.
I'll carry my ideas out yet--I will return. I'll show you what
can be done. You with your little peddling notions--you are
interfering with me. I will return. I. . . .'
"The manager came out. He did me the honour to take me under
the arm and lead me aside. `He is very low, very low,' he said.
He considered it necessary to sigh, but neglected to be
consistently sorrowful. `We have done all we could for him--haven't
we? But there is no disguising the fact, Mr. Kurtz has done more
harm than good to the Company. He did not see the time was not
ripe for vigorous action. Cautiously, cautiously--that's my
principle. We must be cautious yet. The district is closed to us
for a time. Deplorable! Upon the whole, the trade will suffer. I
don't deny there is a remarkable quantity of ivory--mostly fossil.
We must save it, at all events--but look how precarious the
position is--and why? Because the method is unsound.' `Do you,'
said I, looking at the shore, `call it "unsound method?"'
`Without doubt,' he exclaimed hotly. `Don't you?' . . . `No
method at all,' I murmured after a while. `Exactly,' he exulted.
`I anticipated this. Shows a complete want of judgment. It is my
duty to point it out in the proper quarter.' `Oh,' said I, `that
fellow--what's his name?--the brickmaker, will make a readable
report for you.' He appeared confounded for a moment. It seemed
to me I had never breathed an atmosphere so vile, and I turned
mentally to Kurtz for relief--positively for relief. `Nevertheless
I think Mr. Kurtz is a remarkable man,' I said with emphasis. He
started, dropped on me a heavy glance, said very quietly, `he was,'
and turned his back on me. My hour of favour was over; I found
myself lumped along with Kurtz as a partisan of methods for which
the time was not ripe: I was unsound! Ah! but it was something to
have at least a choice of nightmares.
"I had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr. Kurtz,
who, I was ready to admit, was as good as buried. And for a
moment it seemed to me as if I also were buried in a vast grave
full of unspeakable secrets. I felt an intolerable weight
oppressing my breast, the smell of the damp earth, the unseen
presence of victorious corruption, the darkness of an
impenetrable night. . . . The Russian tapped me on the shoulder.
I heard him mumbling and stammering something about `brother
seaman--couldn't conceal-- knowledge of matters that would affect
Mr. Kurtz's reputation.' I waited. For him evidently Mr. Kurtz
was not in his grave; I suspect that for him Mr. Kurtz was one of
the immortals. `Well!' said I at last, `speak out. As it happens,
I am Mr. Kurtz's friend--in a way.'
"He stated with a good deal of formality that had we not
been `of the same profession,' he would have kept the matter to
himself without regard to consequences. `He suspected there was
an active ill-will towards him on the part of these white men
that--' `You are right,' I said, remembering a certain
conversation I had overheard. `The manager thinks you ought to be
hanged.' He showed a concern at this intelligence which amused me
at first. `I had better get out of the way quietly,' he said
earnestly. `I can do no more for Kurtz now, and they would soon
find some excuse. What's to stop them? There's a military post
three hundred miles from here.' `Well, upon my word,' said I, `perhaps
you had better go if you have any friends amongst the savages
near by.' `Plenty,' he said. `They are simple people--and I want
nothing, you know.' He stood biting his lip, then: `I don't want
any harm to happen to these whites here, but of course I was
thinking of Mr. Kurtz's reputation--but you are a brother seaman
and--' `All right,' said I, after a time. `Mr. Kurtz's reputation
is safe with me.' I did not know how truly I spoke.
"He informed me, lowering his voice, that it was Kurtz who
had ordered the attack to be made on the steamer. `He hated
sometimes the idea of being taken away--and then again. . . . But
I don't understand these matters. I am a simple man. He thought
it would scare you away--that you would give it up, thinking him
dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an awful time of it this
last month.' `Very well,' I said. `He is all right now.' `Ye-e-es,'
he muttered, not very convinced apparently. `Thanks,' said I; `I
shall keep my eyes open.' `But quiet-eh?' he urged anxiously. `It
would be awful for his reputation if anybody here--' I promised a
complete discretion with great gravity. `I have a canoe and three
black fellows waiting not very far. I am off. Could you give me a
few Martini-Henry cartridges?' I could, and did, with proper
secrecy. He helped himself, with a wink at me, to a handful of my
tobacco. `Between sailors--you know--good English tobacco.' At
the door of the pilot-house he turned round--`I say, haven't you
a pair of shoes you could spare?' He raised one leg. `Look.' The
soles were tied with knotted strings sandalwise under his bare
feet. I rooted out an old pair, at which he looked with
admiration before tucking it under his left arm. One of his
pockets (bright red) was bulging with cartridges, from the other
(dark blue) peeped `Towson's Inquiry,' etc., etc. He seemed to
think himself excellently well equipped for a renewed encounter
with the wilderness. `Ah! I'll never, never meet such a man again.
You ought to have heard him recite poetry-- his own, too, it was,
he told me. Poetry!' He rolled his eyes at the recollection of
these delights. `Oh, he enlarged my mind!' `Good-bye,' said I. He
shook hands and vanished in the night. Sometimes I ask myself
whether I had ever really seen him-- whether it was possible to
meet such a phenomenon! . . .
"When I woke up shortly after midnight his warning came to
my mind with its hint of danger that seemed, in the starred
darkness, real enough to make me get up for the purpose of having
a look round. On the hill a big fire burned, illuminating
fitfully a crooked corner of the station-house. One of the agents
with a picket of a few of our blacks, armed for the purpose, was
keeping guard over the ivory; but deep within the forest, red
gleams that wavered, that seemed to sink and rise from the ground
amongst confused columnar shapes of intense blackness, showed the
exact position of the camp where Mr. Kurtz's adorers were keeping
their uneasy vigil. The monotonous beating of a big drum filled
the air with muffled shocks and a lingering vibration. A steady
droning sound of many men chanting each to himself some weird
incantation came out from the black, flat wall of the woods as
the humming of bees comes out of a hive, and had a strange
narcotic effect upon my half-awake senses. I believe I dozed off
leaning over the rail, till an abrupt burst of yells, an
overwhelming outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious frenzy, woke me
up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short all at once, and the
low droning went on with an effect of audible and soothing
silence. I glanced casually into the little cabin. A light was
burning within, but Mr. Kurtz was not there.
"I think I would have raised an outcry if I had believed my
eyes. But I didn't believe them at first--the thing seemed so
impossible. The fact is I was completely unnerved by a sheer
blank fright, pure abstract terror, unconnected with any distinct
shape of physical danger. What made this emotion so overpowering
was-- how shall I define it?--the moral shock I received, as if
something altogether monstrous, intolerable to thought and odious
to the soul, had been thrust upon me unexpectedly. This lasted of
course the merest fraction of a second, and then the usual sense
of commonplace, deadly danger, the possibility of a sudden
onslaught and massacre, or something of the kind, which I saw
impending, was positively welcome and composing. It pacified me,
in fact, so much that I did not raise an alarm.
"There was an agent buttoned up inside an ulster and
sleeping on a chair on deck within three feet of me. The yells
had not awakened him; he snored very slightly; I left him to his
slumbers and leaped ashore. I did not betray Mr. Kurtz--it was
ordered I should never betray him-- it was written I should be
loyal to the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal with
this shadow by myself alone--and to this day I don't know why I
was so jealous of sharing with any one the peculiar blackness of
that experience.
"As soon as I got on the bank I saw a trail--a broad trail
through the grass. I remember the exultation with which I said to
myself, `He can't walk--he is crawling on all-fours--I've got him.'
The grass was wet with dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists.
I fancy I had some vague notion of falling upon him and giving
him a drubbing. I don't know. I had some imbecile thoughts. The
knitting old woman with the cat obtruded herself upon my memory
as a most improper person to be sitting at the other end of such
an affair. I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead in the air out
of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would never get back
to the steamer, and imagined myself living alone and unarmed in
the woods to an advanced age. Such silly things--you know. And I
remember I confounded the beat of the drum with the beating of my
heart, and was pleased at its calm regularity.
"I kept to the track though--then stopped to listen. The
night was very clear; a dark blue space, sparkling with dew and
starlight, in which black things stood very still. I thought I
could see a kind of motion ahead of me. I was strangely cocksure
of everything that night. I actually left the track and ran in a
wide semicircle (I verily believe chuckling to myself) so as to
get in front of that stir, of that motion I had seen--if indeed I
had seen anything. I was circumventing Kurtz as though it had
been a boyish game.
"I came upon him, and, if he had not heard me coming, I
would have fallen over him, too, but he got up in time. He rose,
unsteady, long, pale, indistinct, like a vapour exhaled by the
earth, and swayed slightly, misty and silent before me; while at
my back the fires loomed between the trees, and the murmur of
many voices issued from the forest. I had cut him off cleverly;
but when actually confronting him I seemed to come to my senses,
I saw the danger in its right proportion. It was by no means over
yet. Suppose he began to shout? Though he could hardly stand,
there was still plenty of vigour in his voice. `Go away--hide
yourself,' he said, in that profound tone. It was very awful. I
glanced back. We were within thirty yards from the nearest fire.
A black figure stood up, strode on long black legs, waving long
black arms, across the glow. It had horns--antelope horns, I
think--on its head. Some sorcerer, some witch-man, no doubt: it
looked fiendlike enough. `Do you know what you are doing?' I
whispered. `Perfectly,' he answered, raising his voice for that
single word: it sounded to me far off and yet loud, like a hail
through a speaking-trumpet. `If he makes a row we are lost,' I
thought to myself. This clearly was not a case for fisticuffs,
even apart from the very natural aversion I had to beat that
Shadow--this wandering and tormented thing. `You will be lost,' I
said--'utterly lost.' One gets sometimes such a flash of
inspiration, you know. I did say the right thing, though indeed
he could not have been more irretrievably lost than he was at
this very moment, when the foundations of our intimacy were being
laid--to endure-- to endure--even to the end--even beyond.
"`I had immense plans,' he muttered irresolutely. `Yes,'
said I; `but if you try to shout I'll smash your head with--'
There was not a stick or a stone near. `I will throttle you for
good,' I corrected myself. `I was on the threshold of great
things,' he pleaded, in a voice of longing, with a wistfulness of
tone that made my blood run cold. `And now for this stupid
scoundrel--' `Your success in Europe is assured in any case,' I
affirmed steadily. I did not want to have the throttling of him,
you understand--and indeed it would have been very little use for
any practical purpose. I tried to break the spell--the heavy,
mute spell of the wilderness-- that seemed to draw him to its
pitiless breast by the awakening of forgotten and brutal
instincts, by the memory of gratified and monstrous passions.
This alone, I was convinced, had driven him out to the edge of
the forest, to the bush, towards the gleam of fires, the throb of
drums, the drone of weird incantations; this alone had beguiled
his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of permitted aspirations. And,
don't you see, the terror of the position was not in being
knocked on the head-- though I had a very lively sense of that
danger, too--but in this, that I had to deal with a being to whom
I could not appeal in the name of anything high or low. I had,
even like the niggers, to invoke him--himself--his own exalted
and incredible degradation. There was nothing either above or
below him, and I knew it. He had kicked himself loose of the
earth. Confound the man! he had kicked the very earth to pieces.
He was alone, and I before him did not know whether I stood on
the ground or floated in the air. I've been telling you what we
said-- repeating the phrases we pronounced--but what's the good?
They were common everyday words--the familiar, vague sounds
exchanged on every waking day of life. But what of that? They had
behind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness of words
heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in nightmares. Soul! If
anybody ever struggled with a soul, I am the man. And I wasn't
arguing with a lunatic either. Believe me or not, his
intelligence was perfectly clear--concentrated, it is true, upon
himself with horrible intensity, yet clear; and therein was my
only chance--barring, of course, the killing him there and then,
which wasn't so good, on account of unavoidable noise. But his
soul was mad. Being alone in the wilderness, it had looked within
itself, and, by heavens! I tell you, it had gone mad. I had--for
my sins, I suppose--to go through the ordeal of looking into it
myself. No eloquence could have been so withering to one's belief
in mankind as his final burst of sincerity. He struggled with
himself, too. I saw it--I heard it. I saw the inconceivable
mystery of a soul that knew no restraint, no faith, and no fear,
yet struggling blindly with itself. I kept my head pretty well;
but when I had him at last stretched on the couch, I wiped my
forehead, while my legs shook under me as though I had carried
half a ton on my back down that hill. And yet I had only
supported him, his bony arm clasped round my neck--and he was not
much heavier than a child.
"When next day we left at noon, the crowd, of whose presence
behind the curtain of trees I had been acutely conscious all the
time, flowed out of the woods again, filled the clearing, covered
the slope with a mass of naked, breathing, quivering, bronze
bodies. I steamed up a bit, then swung down stream, and two
thousand eyes followed the evolutions of the splashing, thumping,
fierce river-demon beating the water with its terrible tail and
breathing black smoke into the air. In front of the first rank,
along the river, three men, plastered with bright red earth from
head to foot, strutted to and fro restlessly. When we came
abreast again, they faced the river, stamped their feet, nodded
their horned heads, swayed their scarlet bodies; they shook
towards the fierce river-demon a bunch of black feathers, a mangy
skin with a pendent tail--something that looked a dried gourd;
they shouted periodically together strings of amazing words that
resembled no sounds of human language; and the deep murmurs of
the crowd, interrupted suddenly, were like the responses of some
satanic litany.
"We had carried Kurtz into the pilot-house: there was more
air there. Lying on the couch, he stared through the open shutter.
There was an eddy in the mass of human bodies, and the woman with
helmeted head and tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink of
the stream. She put out her hands, shouted something, and all
that wild mob took up the shout in a roaring chorus of
articulated, rapid, breathless utterance.
"`Do you understand this?' I asked.
"He kept on looking out past me with fiery, longing eyes,
with a mingled expression of wistfulness and hate. He made no
answer, but I saw a smile, a smile of indefinable meaning, appear
on his colourless lips that a moment after twitched convulsively.
`Do I not?' he said slowly, gasping, as if the words had been
torn out of him by a supernatural power.
"I pulled the string of the whistle, and I did this because
I saw the pilgrims on deck getting out their rifles with an air
of anticipating a jolly lark. At the sudden screech there was a
movement of abject terror through that wedged mass of bodies. `Don't!
don't you frighten them away,' cried some one on deck
disconsolately. I pulled the string time after time. They broke
and ran, they leaped, they crouched, they swerved, they dodged
the flying terror of the sound. The three red chaps had fallen
flat, face down on the shore, as though they had been shot dead.
Only the barbarous and superb woman did not so much as flinch,
and stretched tragically her bare arms after us over the sombre
and glittering river.
"And then that imbecile crowd down on the deck started their
little fun, and I could see nothing more for smoke.
"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of darkness,
bearing us down towards the sea with twice the speed of our
upward progress; and Kurtz's life was running swiftly, too,
ebbing, ebbing out of his heart into the sea of inexorable time.
The manager was very placid, he had no vital anxieties now, he
took us both in with a comprehensive and satisfied glance: the `affair'
had come off as well as could be wished. I saw the time
approaching when I would be left alone of the party of `unsound
method.' The pilgrims looked upon me with disfavour. I was, so to
speak, numbered with the dead. It is strange how I accepted this
unforeseen partnership, this choice of nightmares forced upon me
in the tenebrous land invaded by these mean and greedy phantoms.
"Kurtz discoursed. A voice! a voice! It rang deep to the
very last. It survived his strength to hide in the magnificent
folds of eloquence the barren darkness of his heart. Oh, he
struggled! he struggled! The wastes of his weary brain were
haunted by shadowy images now--images of wealth and fame
revolving obsequiously round his unextinguishable gift of noble
and lofty expression. My Intended, my station, my career, my
ideas-- these were the subjects for the occasional utterances of
elevated sentiments. The shade of the original Kurtz frequented
the bedside of the hollow sham, whose fate it was to be buried
presently in the mould of primeval earth. But both the diabolic
love and the unearthly hate of the mysteries it had penetrated
fought for the possession of that soul satiated with primitive
emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham distinction, of all the
appearances of success and power.
"Sometimes he was contemptibly childish. He desired to have
kings meet him at railway-stations on his return from some
ghastly Nowhere, where he intended to accomplish great things. `You
show them you have in you something that is really profitable,
and then there will be no limits to the recognition of your
ability,' he would say. `Of course you must take care of the
motives-- right motives--always.' The long reaches that were like
one and the same reach, monotonous bends that were exactly alike,
slipped past the steamer with their multitude of secular trees
looking patiently after this grimy fragment of another world, the
forerunner of change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, of
blessings. I looked ahead--piloting. `Close the shutter,' said
Kurtz suddenly one day; `I can't bear to look at this.' I did so.
There was a silence. `Oh, but I will wring your heart yet!' he
cried at the invisible wilderness.
"We broke down--as I had expected--and had to lie up for
repairs at the head of an island. This delay was the first thing
that shook Kurtz's confidence. One morning he gave me a packet of
papers and a photograph-- the lot tied together with a shoe-string.
`Keep this for me,' he said. `This noxious fool' (meaning the
manager) `is capable of prying into my boxes when I am not
looking.' In the afternoon I saw him. He was lying on his back
with closed eyes, and I withdrew quietly, but I heard him mutter,
`Live rightly, die, die . . .' I listened. There was nothing more.
Was he rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a fragment
of a phrase from some newspaper article? He had been writing for
the papers and meant to do so again, `for the furthering of my
ideas. It's a duty.'
"His was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him as you
peer down at a man who is lying at the bottom of a precipice
where the sun never shines. But I had not much time to give him,
because I was helping the engine-driver to take to pieces the
leaky cylinders, to straighten a bent connecting-rod, and in
other such matters. I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings,
nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers, ratchet-drills--things I
abominate, because I don't get on with them. I tended the little
forge we fortunately had aboard; I toiled wearily in a wretched
scrap-heap--unless I had the shakes too bad to stand.
"One evening coming in with a candle I was startled to hear
him say a little tremulously, `I am lying here in the dark
waiting for death.' The light was within a foot of his eyes. I
forced myself to murmur, `Oh, nonsense!' and stood over him as if
transfixed.
"Anything approaching the change that came over his features
I have never seen before, and hope never to see again. Oh, I wasn't
touched. I was fascinated. It was as though a veil had been rent.
I saw on that ivory face the expression of sombre pride, of
ruthless power, of craven terror--of an intense and hopeless
despair. Did he live his life again in every detail of desire,
temptation, and surrender during that supreme moment of complete
knowledge? He cried in a whisper at some image, at some vision--he
cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath:
"`The horror! The horror!'
"I blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pilgrims were
dining in the mess-room, and I took my place opposite the manager,
who lifted his eyes to give me a questioning glance, which I
successfully ignored. He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar
smile of his sealing the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A
continuous shower of small flies streamed upon the lamp, upon the
cloth, upon our hands and faces. Suddenly the manager's boy put
his insolent black head in the doorway, and said in a tone of
scathing contempt:
"`Mistah Kurtz--he dead.'
"All the pilgrims rushed out to see. I remained, and went on
with my dinner. I believe I was considered brutally callous.
However, I did not eat much. There was a lamp in there--light,
don't you know--and outside it was so beastly, beastly dark. I
went no more near the remarkable man who had pronounced a
judgment upon the adventures of his soul on this earth. The voice
was gone. What else had been there? But I am of course aware that
next day the pilgrims buried something in a muddy hole.
"And then they very nearly buried me.
"However, as you see, I did not go to join Kurtz there and
then. I did not. I remained to dream the nightmare out to the end,
and to show my loyalty to Kurtz once more. Destiny. My destiny!
Droll thing life is-- that mysterious arrangement of merciless
logic for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it is some
knowledge of yourself--that comes too late--a crop of
unextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with death. It is the
most unexciting contest you can imagine. It takes place in an
impalpable greyness, with nothing underfoot, with nothing around,
without spectators, without clamour, without glory, without the
great desire of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a
sickly atmosphere of tepid scepticism, without much belief in
your own right, and still less in that of your adversary. If such
is the form of ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle
than some of us think it to be. I was within a hair's breadth of
the last opportunity for pronouncement, and I found with
humiliation that probably I would have nothing to say. This is
the reason why I affirm that Kurtz was a remarkable man. He had
something to say. He said it. Since I had peeped over the edge
myself, I understand better the meaning of his stare, that could
not see the flame of the candle, but was wide enough to embrace
the whole universe, piercing enough to penetrate all the hearts
that beat in the darkness. He had summed up--he had judged. `The
horror!' He was a remarkable man. After all, this was the
expression of some sort of belief; it had candour, it had
conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its whisper, it
had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth--the strange
commingling of desire and hate. And it is not my own extremity I
remember best-- a vision of greyness without form filled with
physical pain, and a careless contempt for the evanescence of all
things--even of this pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I
seem to have lived through. True, he had made that last stride,
he had stepped over the edge, while I had been permitted to draw
back my hesitating foot. And perhaps in this is the whole
difference; perhaps all the wisdom, and all truth, and all
sincerity, are just compressed into that inappreciable moment of
time in which we step over the threshold of the invisible.
Perhaps! I like to think my summing-up would not have been a word
of careless contempt. Better his cry--much better. It was an
affirmation, a moral victory paid for by innumerable defeats, by
abominable terrors, by abominable satisfactions. But it was a
victory! That is why I have remained loyal to Kurtz to the last,
and even beyond, when a long time after I heard once more, not
his own voice, but the echo of his magnificent eloquence thrown
to me from a soul as translucently pure as a cliff of crystal.
"No, they did not bury me, though there is a period of time
which I remember mistily, with a shuddering wonder, like a
passage through some inconceivable world that had no hope in it
and no desire. I found myself back in the sepulchral city
resenting the sight of people hurrying through the streets to
filch a little money from each other, to devour their infamous
cookery, to gulp their unwholesome beer, to dream their
insignificant and silly dreams. They trespassed upon my thoughts.
They were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an
irritating pretence, because I felt so sure they could not
possibly know the things I knew. Their bearing, which was simply
the bearing of commonplace individuals going about their business
in the assurance of perfect safety, was offensive to me like the
outrageous flauntings of folly in the face of a danger it is
unable to comprehend. I had no particular desire to enlighten
them, but I had some difficulty in restraining myself from
laughing in their faces so full of stupid importance. I dareway I
was not very well at that time. I tottered about the streets--there
were various affairs to settle--grinning bitterly at perfectly
respectable persons. I admit my behaviour was inexcusable, but
then my temperature was seldom normal in these days. My dear aunt's
endeavours to `nurse up my strength' seemed altogether beside the
mark. It was not my strength that wanted nursing, it was my
imagination that wanted soothing. I kept the bundle of papers
given me by Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do with it. His
mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, by his
Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official manner and wearing
gold-rimmed spectacles, called on me one day and made inquiries,
at first circuitous, afterwards suavely pressing, about what he
was pleased to denominate certain `documents.' I was not
surprised, because I had had two rows with the manager on the
subject out there. I had refused to give up the smallest scrap
out of that package, and I took the same attitude with the
spectacled man. He became darkly menacing at last, and with much
heat argued that the Company had the right to every bit of
information about its `territories.' And said he, `Mr. Kurtz's
knowledge of unexplored regions must have been necessarily
extensive and peculiar-- owing to his great abilities and to the
deplorable circumstances in which he had been placed: therefore--'
I assured him Mr. Kurtz's knowledge, however extensive, did not
bear upon the problems of commerce or administration. He invoked
then the name of science. `It would be an incalculable loss if,'
etc., etc. I offered him the report on the `Suppression of Savage
Customs,' with the postscriptum torn off. He took it up eagerly,
but ended by sniffing at it with an air of contempt. `This is not
what we had a right to expect,' he remarked. `Expect nothing else,'
I said. `There are only private letters.' He withdrew upon some
threat of legal proceedings, and I saw him no more; but another
fellow, calling himself Kurtz's cousin, appeared two days later,
and was anxious to hear all the details about his dear relative's
last moments. Incidentally he gave me to understand that Kurtz
had been essentially a great musician. `There was the making of
an immense success,' said the man, who was an organist, I believe,
with lank grey hair flowing over a greasy coat-collar. I had no
reason to doubt his statement; and to this day I am unable to say
what was Kurtz's profession, whether he ever had any--which was
the greatest of his talents. I had taken him for a painter who
wrote for the papers, or else for a journalist who could paint--but
even the cousin (who took snuff during the interview) could not
tell me what he had been--exactly. He was a universal genius--on
that point I agreed with the old chap, who thereupon blew his
nose noisily into a large cotton handkerchief and withdrew in
senile agitation, bearing off some family letters and memoranda
without importance. Ultimately a journalist anxious to know
something of the fate of his `dear colleague' turned up. This
visitor informed me Kurtz's proper sphere ought to have been
politics `on the popular side.' He had furry straight eyebrows,
bristly hair cropped short, an eyeglass on a broad ribbon, and,
becoming expansive, confessed his opinion that Kurtz really
couldn't write a bit--'but heavens! how that man could talk. He
electrified large meetings. He had faith--don't you see?--he had
the faith. He could get himself to believe anything--anything. He
would have been a splendid leader of an extreme party.' `What
party?' I asked. `Any party,' answered the other. `He was an--an--extremist.'
Did I not think so? I assented. Did I know, he asked, with a
sudden flash of curiosity, `what it was that had induced him to
go out there?' `Yes,' said I, and forthwith handed him the famous
Report for publication, if he thought fit. He glanced through it
hurriedly, mumbling all the time, judged `it would do,' and took
himself off with this plunder.
"Thus I was left at last with a slim packet of letters and
the girl's portrait. She struck me as beautiful-- I mean she had
a beautiful expression. I know that the sunlight ycan be made to
lie, too, yet one felt that no manipulation of light and pose
could have conveyed the delicate shade of truthfulness upon those
features. She seemed ready to listen without mental reservation,
without suspicion, without a thought for herself. I concluded I
would go and give her back her portrait and those letters myself.
Curiosity? Yes; and also some other feeling perhaps. All that had
been Kurtz's had passed out of my hands: his soul, his body, his
station, his plans, his ivory, his career. There remained only
his memory and his Intended-- and I wanted to give that up, too,
to the past, in a way-- to surrender personally all that remained
of him with me to that oblivion which is the last word of our
common fate. I don't defend myself. I had no clear perception of
what it was I really wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of
unconscious loyalty, or the fulfilment of one of those ironic
necessities that lurk in the facts of human existence. I don't
know. I can't tell. But I went.
"I thought his memory was like the other memories of the
dead that accumulate in every man's life--a vague impress on the
brain of shadows that had fallen on it in their swift and final
passage; but before the high and ponderous door, between the tall
houses of a street as still and decorous as a well-kept alley in
a cemetery, I had a vision of him on the stretcher, opening his
mouth voraciously, as if to devour all the earth with all its
mankind. He lived then before me; he lived as much as he had ever
lived--a shadow insatiable of splendid appearances, of frightful
realities; a shadow darker than the shadow of the night, and
draped nobly in the folds of a gorgeous eloquence. The vision
seemed to enter the house with me--the stretcher, the phantom-bearers,
the wild crowd of obedient worshippers, the gloom of the forests,
the glitter of the reach between the murky bends, the beat of the
drum, regular and muffled like the beating of a heart--the heart
of a conquering darkness. It was a moment of triumph for the
wilderness, an invading and vengeful rush which, it seemed to me,
I would have to keep back alone for the salvation of another soul.
And the memory of what I had heard him say afar there, with the
horned shapes stirring at my back, in the glow of fires, within
the patient woods, those broken phrases came back to me, were
heard again in their ominous and terrifying simplicity. I
remembered his abject pleading, his abject threats, the colossal
scale of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment, the
tempestuous anguish of his soul. And later on I seemed to see his
collected languid manner, when he said one day, `This lot of
ivory now is really mine. The Company did not pay for it. I
collected it myself at a very great personal risk. I am afraid
they will try to claim it as theirs though. H'm. It is a
difficult case. What do you think I ought to do--resist? Eh? I
want no more than justice.' . . . He wanted no more than justice--no
more than justice. I rang the bell before a mahogany door on the
first floor, and while I waited he seemed to stare at me out of
the glassy panel-- stare with that wide and immense stare
embracing, condemning, loathing all the universe. I seemed to
hear the whispered cry, "The horror! The horror!"
"The dusk was falling. I had to wait in a lofty drawing-room
with three long windows from floor to ceiling that were like
three luminous and bedraped columns. The bent gilt legs and backs
of the furniture shone in indistinct curves. The tall marble
fireplace had a cold and monumental whiteness. A grand piano
stood massively in a corner; with dark gleams on the flat
surfaces like a sombre and polished sarcophagus. A high door
opened--closed. I rose.
"She came forward, all in black, with a pale head, floating
towards me in the dusk. She was in mourning. It was more than a
year since his death, more than a year since the news came; she
seemed as though she would remember and mourn forever. She took
both my hands in hers and murmured, `I had heard you were coming.'
I noticed she was not very young--I mean not girlish. She had a
mature capacity for fidelity, for belief, for suffering. The room
seemed to have grown darker, as if all the sad light of the
cloudy evening had taken refuge on her forehead. This fair hair,
this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded by an ashy
halo from which the dark eyes looked out at me. Their glance was
guileless, profound, confident, and trustful. She carried her
sorrowful head as though she were proud of that sorrow, as though
she would say, `I--I alone know how to mourn for him as he
deserves.' But while we were still shaking hands, such a look of
awful desolation came upon her face that I perceived she was one
of those creatures that are not the playthings of Time. For her
he had died only yesterday. And, by Jove! the impression was so
powerful that for me, too, he seemed to have died only yesterday--nay,
this very minute. I saw her and him in the same instant of time--his
death and her sorrow--I saw her sorrow in the very moment of his
death. Do you understand? I saw them together--I heard them
together. She had said, with a deep catch of the breath, `I have
survived' while my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly,
mingled with her tone of despairing regret, the summing up
whisper of his eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I was
doing there, with a sensation of panic in my heart as though I
had blundered into a place of cruel and absurd mysteries not fit
for a human being to behold. She motioned me to a chair. We sat
down. I laid the packet gently on the little table, and she put
her hand over it. . . . `You knew him well,' she murmured, after
a moment of mourning silence.
"`Intimacy grows quickly out there,' I said. `I knew him as
well as it is possible for one man to know another.'
"`And you admired him,' she said. `It was impossible to know
him and not to admire him. Was it?'
"`He was a remarkable man,' I said, unsteadily. Then before
the appealing fixity of her gaze, that seemed to watch for more
words on my lips, I went on, `It was impossible not to--'
"`Love him,' she finished eagerly, silencing me into an
appalled dumbness. `How true! how true! But when you think that
no one knew him so well as I! I had all his noble confidence. I
knew him best.'
"`You knew him best,' I repeated. And perhaps she did. But
with every word spoken the room was growing darker, and only her
forehead, smooth and white, remained illumined by the
inextinguishable light of belief and love.
"`You were his friend,' she went on. `His friend,' she
repeated, a little louder. `You must have been, if he had given
you this, and sent you to me. I feel I can speak to you--and oh!
I must speak. I want you--you who have heard his last words-- to
know I have been worthy of him. . . . It is not pride. . . . Yes!
I am proud to know I understood him better than any one on earth--
he told me so himself. And since his mother died I have had no
one-- no one--to--to--'
"I listened. The darkness deepened. I was not even sure
whether he had given me the right bundle. I rather suspect he
wanted me to take care of another batch of his papers which,
after his death, I saw the manager examining under the lamp. And
the girl talked, easing her pain in the certitude of my sympathy;
she talked as thirsty men drink. I had heard that her engagement
with Kurtz had been disapproved by her people. He wasn't rich
enough or something. And indeed I don't know whether he had not
been a pauper all his life. He had given me some reason to infer
that it was his impatience of comparative poverty that drove him
out there.
"`. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him speak once?'
she was saying. `He drew men towards him by what was best in them.'
She looked at me with intensity. `It is the gift of the great,'
she went on, and the sound of her low voice seemed to have the
accompaniment of all the other sounds, full of mystery,
desolation, and sorrow, I had ever heard--the ripple of the river,
the soughing of the trees swayed by the wind, the murmurs of the
crowds, the faint ring of incomprehensible words cried from afar,
the whisper of a voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an
eternal darkness. `But you have heard him! You know!' she cried.
"`Yes, I know,' I said with something like despair in my
heart, but bowing my head before the faith that was in her,
before that great and saving illusion that shone with an
unearthly glow in the darkness, in the triumphant darkness from
which I could not have defended her-- from which I could not even
defend myself.
"`What a loss to me--to us!'--she corrected herself with
beautiful generosity; then added in a murmur, `To the world.' By
the last gleams of twilight I could see the glitter of her eyes,
full of tears--of tears that would not fall.
"`I have been very happy--very fortunate--very proud,' she
went on. `Too fortunate. Too happy for a little while. And now I
am unhappy for--for life.'
"She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the
remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose, too.
"`And of all this,' she went on mournfully, `of all his
promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, of his
noble heart, nothing remains--nothing but a memory. You and I--'
"`We shall always remember him,' I said hastily.
"`No!' she cried. `It is impossible that all this should be
lost-- that such a life should be sacrificed to leave nothing--but
sorrow. You know what vast plans he had. I knew of them, too--I
could not perhaps understand--but others knew of them. Something
must remain. His words, at least, have not died.'
"`His words will remain,' I said.
"`And his example,' she whispered to herself. `Men looked up
to him-- his goodness shone in every act. His example--'
"`True,' I said; `his example, too. Yes, his example. I
forgot that.'
"But I do not. I cannot--I cannot believe--not yet. I cannot
believe that I shall never see him again, that nobody will see
him again, never, never, never.'
"She put out her arms as if after a retreating figure,
stretching them back and with clasped pale hands across the
fading and narrow sheen of the window. Never see him! I saw him
clearly enough then. I shall see this eloquent phantom as long as
I live, and I shall see her, too, a tragic and familiar Shade,
resembling in this gesture another one, tragic also, and bedecked
with powerless charms, stretching bare brown arms over the
glitter of the infernal stream, the stream of darkness. She said
suddenly very low, `He died as he lived.'
"`His end,' said I, with dull anger stirring in me, `was in
every way worthy of his life.'
"`And I was not with him,' she murmured. My anger subsided
before a feeling of infinite pity.
"`Everything that could be done--' I mumbled.
"`Ah, but I believed in him more than any one on earth--more
than his own mother, more than--himself. He needed me! Me! I
would have treasured every sigh, every word, every sign, every
glance.'
"I felt like a chill grip on my chest. `Don't,' I said, in a
muffled voice.
"`Forgive me. I--I have mourned so long in silence--in
silence. . . . You were with him--to the last? I think of his
loneliness. Nobody near to understand him as I would have
understood. Perhaps no one to hear. . . .'
"`To the very end,' I said, shakily. `I heard his very last
words. . . .' I stopped in a fright.
"`Repeat them,' she murmured in a heart-broken tone. `I want--I
want--something--something--to--to live with.'
"I was on the point of crying at her, `Don't you hear them?'
The dusk was repeating them in a persistent whisper all around us,
in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first
whisper of a rising wind. `The horror! The horror!'
"`His last word--to live with,' she insisted. `Don't you
understand I loved him--I loved him--I loved him!'
"I pulled myself together and spoke slowly.
"`The last word he pronounced was--your name.'
"I heard a light sigh and then my heart stood still, stopped
dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, by the cry of
inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable pain. `I knew it--I was
sure!' . . . She knew. She was sure. I heard her weeping; she had
hidden her face in her hands. It seemed to me that the house
would collapse before I could escape, that the heavens would fall
upon my head. But nothing happened. The heavens do not fall for
such a trifle. Would they have fallen, I wonder, if I had
rendered Kurtz that justice which was his due? Hadn't he said he
wanted only justice? But I couldn't. I could not tell her. It
would have been too dark--too dark altogether. . . ."
Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent, in the pose
of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a time. "We have
lost the first of the ebb," said the Director suddenly. I
raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds,
and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the
earth flowed sombre under an overcast sky-- seemed to lead into
the heart of an immense darkness.
THE END